nothing makes up for a small, perpetually flaccid penis quite like a British accent
Thank you for holding my vodka while the police let me ride their horse.
She must have been at ribfest tonight because my dick smells like barbeque sauce
I just ate a fried snickers. I now officially accept all fat jokes
I was carrying him baywatch style into my place because he passed out.
Ive yelled into your vagina. There are few lines we haven't crossed at this point.
Odd question. Did you find a 20 in your boxers? I need it for gas.
I was passed out on the dog bed yelling "I UNDERSTAND"
I puked in the urinal of a bar tonight. Not embarrassed cause I got away with it, legitimately upset you weren't there to make fun of me.
I dont even remember coming home... All my stuff is strewn randomly around my apartment... And I woke up at 5 sitting propped up in my bed with just my arm in a shirt
I'm trying to make a sex playlist
record yourself crying and put it on a loop.
He was like an artic tracker. Walked ten paces from the tree, then 15 paces from the mailbox, dug down in the snow, and pulled up the case of beer he hid from his parents out there. It tasted like ice cold success.
Seriously dude...who threw up on Michelle? She's been crying for like an hour
Quit bitching. I brought you a muffin.
Thrres cinnamon everywgte. Plead cine get me
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