this guy literally just gave me a gold star sticker for the "stellar" blow job i gave him. ashamed? i think not.
I just fucked a rockette. This would have been amazing a week ago.
i think i recognize dicks better than faces
it makes it look bigger when i shave, i hope its not the same for a girl
The bartender just told me he would have me face down in his pillow by the end of the night. I hate when you make me go to gay clubs.
i left the icescrapper in his bathroom. i dont remember taking it there, but i remember brushing his hair with it.
walking around pouring bird seed on passed out guys in the quad.
I just want to jump into a ballpool of dicks now.
Yeah that doesn't involve enough booze, count me out
Step 1: chug a red bull vodka with no ice Step 2: chase that with a shot of wild turkey Step 3: chase that with a shot of tequila
Step 4: your drunk
if i seriously got my dick up last night, then im taking him to disney world cause thats just fuckin impressive
Am I just high or is she having an auction for her vagina on Twitter
I'm currently in a U-Haul truck right now. Going to a party. I hate myself.
just to let you know, that was probably the funniest text i've ever received.
I suppose that kind of helps fill the void where my self respect used to be.
At least he's enough of a gentleman to not make me do the walk of shame dressed as Santa.
i just watched a 27 minute video about owls...that high.
Randomize
