I chugged a bottle of robotussein and i ducking saw a blind lady on a purch sewing a shirt! And a tree portal
just fed a duck at the lake a weed brownie. it hasnt moved in 20 minutes.
he asked me to smell his eyeballs.
He told me the hand job I gave him this morning was "lovely".
getting kicked in the face by someone doing a keg stand. just my luck
If I am going to pay someone to make me puke, it's going to be the bartender.
And then. You beer bonged 3 tall boys. In a row. Fell into some kids lap. And pulled down my shirt trying to get up. Thank you for that. I got laid
Apparently, my drunken 3AM idea of safety is to send a GPS map of my location to someone 700 miles away. Seriously considering death as a viable alternative to this hangover. Death or Yuengling.
I round house kicked her emotions in the face
And now I'm taking a break sitting on the bathroom floor thanking god that people who eat at subway are either too classy to piss on the floor, or are still relatively sober enough to not piss on the floor before 5pm.
Imagine how different my life would be if I could find a man who gave me more pleasure than pizza at 2am when I'm drunk.
I just texted him from the other room to come have sex with me-stress relieved
You are such a millennial
I've been in town for almost 36 hrs and I haven't made out with a stranger yet - I consider THAT a record!
You where banging on the wall asking us where we hid the door...you then crawled under the deck thinking you'd be safe. I told you to eat the nachos before the party...I told you.....
Normally getting fucked up with the owner and suggesting he motorboat me wouldn’t help my chances of a promotion, but this is 2020 and he definitely enjoyed it
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