I had a dream that I got a gift certificate to a lavish spa from my father. I think dream dad, along with real dad, think I'm gay.
Hovering on the line between her being fuckable and me being too drunk to fuck. Life's juggling act in progress here.
we were sitting on his couch watching tv and laughing at how funny the voices on the commercial were, then we realized the volume wasn't on.
well the night couldnt get much worse after she peed all over herself and the sidewalk.
Did you get any last night. I need to track my forever aloneness
We were on the ground in Tampa for 55 hours and we drank for 30 of them.
We won Spring Training 2013.
I just took what could be the most awkward shit in my life, which considering my definition of awkward and my experiences shitting, is pretty fucking awkward.
...
I was sitting there doing my business and the guy in the stall next to me banged on the stall and asked me how to spell picnic because he wasn't sure.
Im wearing a bra. Made of paint.
I'm covered in glow paint and I can't find my shirt. So, successful night
If I send you a picture of a dick will you give me your honest reaction?
I smell like cowboy sweat. I got two lap dances. This is the best day of my life!
Good news. His dicks gotten wayy bigger since high school. I love Thanksgiving break.
And with one simple text you can separate the men from the boys...."it's that time of the month."
I knew I no longer wanted to bone him when he put the Grease soundtrack on as "mood music", no guy looks attractive singing and dancing to greased lightning naked.
when part of the plan includes getting high, i usually forget how the rest of the plan goes.
Randomize
