I am going to invent a chocolate mix for sperm.
Im not sure if he just tripped or was star gazing, but i gave him head anyway.
I was just referred to as 'the margarita slut' by an 11 year old.
i feel as uncomfortable as your camel toe looks.
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On an unrelated side note: I shall now attempt to crawl to the bathroom. Where I will lay motionless on the cold ceramic bathtub with hot water pouring over my shivering body as I desperately try not to vomit. Good day.
you know you're a senior when your friends are at the bar before you even get out of class
why the fuck would you go to class? it's karaoke wednesday.
She's got a butler. A fucking butler. Shes like batman, but with a better ass.
My high school reunion is Thursday so I need to find an outfit that says "Haha, you got fat and I got tits. Suck it, bitches."
I hate being the only medical professional in the group. I always end up patching you guys or being the DD when I'm on call. I have problems I need to drown in booze too...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Like when I see him I look straight through his appearance and just envision a big walking penis.
Would it be sad if I made a blanket fort to get drunk in till the power came back?
Hypothetically speaking - is it bad if you get cut off at an airport bar at 11:30am?
She said she hasn't cheated on me in 7 and a half days and she'd like praise for that.
dude, next time you say lets go on an adventure, tell me if there are going to be psychotrophics involved before hand.
I am so dumb. I made a mistake and let him get away.
Don't worry, there are other penises in the sea.
Thanks, mom.
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