you definitely held a convo with a hobo
we have a secret handshake
Evryone should know as good ramen noodle cooked in beer sounds... its not
When I'm drunk and can't pee, I sing my abc's in my head and try to pee before I get to pee. Last night I forgot to do it in my head
once i realized i was actively trying to drink the beer i was sweating out of my body i knew it was time to go to bed
Like many of my risky ideas this has "burned genitals" written all over it
ok... i just had to be reminded that people in animal costumes were feeding me shots at the bar.
the evidence from last night is not good...
what evidence?
my underwear is on inside out, and there are french fries in my hair...
Do you think we could brew coffee with beer? I'm thinking a hazelnut Guinnesspresso can only end with pure awesome.
We could have casual sex if you want. But I can't offer a bromance to a woman.
Sorry. My phone died in the middle of you explaining why we would never work as a couple. Whatever you were gonna say, I probably agree.
so you 69ed him in the parking lot of your apartment
yah I won't allow him in my apartment
I was amazing, unlike anything he's ever experienced. I somehow made him feel young and old.and he never felt old before. He feels I will literally kill him. With my magic, lethal vagina.
Good news!! I can adult!! 😂 turning down the strip club on a weeknight has become my crowning achievement ðŸ˜ðŸ˜‚
the girls would appreciate it if you invited over some drunk, single, straight men with low standards.
It’s official. I’ve hooked up with all three brothers now
You should go after Dad now
I should! He’s definitely middle age fuckable
Randomize