Woke up in a closet. I'm not drinking till summer.
I already brushed my teeth, and it's not even noon yet. Today's going to be a productive day.
I wish the inside of the tampon box said "CONGRATULATIONS YOUR NOT A MOTHER!"
I don't really see how asking you not to cum on my face or hair makes me high maintenance
I'm too afraid that I'm 1. Banned or 2. Gonna be noticed by the lady bouncer I punched.
Now that I'm single, I like to think of myself as in a relationship with Taco Bell.
We picked up some guys dressed as shamrocks at taco bell. I will text you with further information.
Can you come get Dustin he's putting taco bell fire sauce on cigarettes trying to light them again.
I think all the stress in my life right now can be directly correlated with never winning a game of Bop It as a child.
Why did I wake up with condoms on all my fingers?
Considering the girl you hooked up with, I'd be concerned about not having one on your penis.
She has this wild look other eyes like she wouldn't be afraid to commit a felony.
Wait is this black Chris #1, cocaine Chris, or gay Chris?
No this is saxophone Chris
He said he was Greek American and that is why my legs slammed shut. During the World Cup there are only Americans.
I know... It's stupid... It's like, I have sex with his brother and bestfriend ONE time....
You some how ended up sleeping on one of the beams that run along the ceiling of your house
Randomize
