true best friends attempt to put quarters in each others butts. Thanks for the best birthday ever!
When she can manipulate the direction of her leg hair, you know its time to leave
yea im pretty sure it has something do with my love of forearms...
I'm in a hotel full of Marines. I'm leaving here pregnant.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
because drunk making out is frowned upon in museums i think
by the way- Brandy out of a doggy bowl was AMAZING
I told him if he cums in my mouth he has to buy me a cake that says "sorry I came in your mouth"
I came home to him frying bacon to put in his beer. He said bacon beer lights, taste the awesomer rockies
I woke up naked with a $20 bill taped to my titty, so I must of had fun.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm smoking in a kimono on the couch. Bring me gin.
Actually going to jail after your wedding is NOT part of the plan.
He was like low grade Riff Raff, but I hit it. Twice. His grill popped out the second time.
Correction: Jimmy johns. The one pita pit employee has been an asshole to me ever since you locked them out of the store
Plus you get to call him out on being a dick. It's more satisfying than ever sex I've ever had.
You'll never fully grasp an awkward walk of shame until you run into his mom while you're trying to sneak out. Then to make matters worse you have to ask her to mover car because it's blocking you in.
and I lost my effing shirt.
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