I'm drunk at a fancy martini bar, wearing jeans, drinking cheap vodka that I brought in my purse. Got thrown out of court for using my cell phone. All in all calling Thursday a success.
How crunk are you?
I'm a Tom Selleck. Zero being Tipper Gore and max being the Bush twins
why the FUCK would i wear makeup on my vagina!?
look, i may have sacrified a 20% assignment for a sprite. this is what hangovers do to me.
My mother's day gift to my mother is to promise never to tell her 95% of the stories I've accumulated in my life.
Best morning ever. I saw a bum giving another bum a blowjob downtown.
Hangovers were designed by God when he decided that so far he had taken it WAY TOO EASY on me.
she fell through a window trying to flash someone
Your roommate is pacing with a pen in his mouth flapping like a duck. That brownie got me fucked but not enough to understand this. Come back!
He does that
I am undressing in in n out. They migit ca5l security. Are you provn d6 me?
OH MY GOD. SO PROUD.
You know what's even more awkward then buying plan b from someone who is a member at the gym you work at... When they come in after that day and have that look of recognition
Who the fuck gets injured on a merry-go-round? HOW IS IT POSSIBLE??
Fuck you and fuck your stupid hat
Drunk me left sober me a shower beer in expectation of Hurricane Harvey. Drunk me is the best.
Mmm vodka always tastes better when i know i have work at 8am
Randomize
