my math professor just wrote "parallel" on the board, but spelled it "pararrel". guess what country he's from
was stoked on phone sex until he started reciting lines from star wars
she was giving me head and that cheryl crow 'youre favorite mistake' song came on. she looks up and all i could do was nod
Woke up naked in another mans house. If that keeps happening, then I probably need to go gay. You know to make it ok.
I didn't mean to leave you there I just didn't know him well enough to throw up in his bathroom.
he actually said the words "do you want to pet the lizard?" with a straight face as he unzipped his pants
sick fucks of a feather flock together
I can't even properly respond cuz I'm ballsdeep in falafel
Uh do you have my pants because I have yours
Wow just discovered I can communicate my favorite sex positions using only emojis god bless this age of technology
Damn that brownie almost kicked my ass. I'm not sure if my flight home lasted 10 minutes or 10 days..
Don't do it. He's got a dick the size of a baseball bat. You don't want that commitment.
I have to. For the sake of science.
A world without bacon flavored condoms is not one I want to live in.
I guarantee you he will only fuck with old bitches from now on
Fursuit judi Dench just stared directly at me for 3 solid minutes telling me that cats arent dogs and i believe her because if i dont cat jason derulo might try to have sex with me
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