I fucked a guy named chris tucker last night
hey, here's something you don't have worry about since you're a girl: finding crusty cum in your bellybutton.
Why do bread and butter chips remind me of eating out your mom?
i went to go through my sent box of drunk texts from last night and they were all deleted... i'm going to assume drunk me made the executive decision that sober me would be better off not knowing what they said
I don't think anyone has ever said "boy I'm glad I took those shots of everclear" when they wake up
I'm starting to think my role in the world is to inject batshit crazy, mentally unbalanced chicks with a dose of normal sperm.
apparently putting your t-shirt on your head with a bottle of captain and telling girls your the pirate king of tallahassee doesn't work
I happen to have lost a black t-shirt and the volume button from my phone last night. If anyone finds it. You know what to do.
I posted her number in the m4m casual encounters area of Craigslist.
I guess her always saying "gay men love me!" will finally get put to the test.
Send help, water and tortillas.
I woke up at 4 am to a guy curled up in the fetal position sobbing in our front yard. Oh college.
Have you ever had a pregnancy test laugh at you?
some guy had a sword and everyones crying..it turned bad..fast.
All I remember thinking is, why the fuck are there martians on the ceiling? And they were riding fruit. Like strawberries and shit.
I always know im high when I can't remember how to pee.
Randomize
