I just poured my flask into a drink. Then I realized the drink belonged to the guy next to me so I stole it from him. He confronted me and I made out with him to distract him. When I looked up, I realized his wife was watching. Its barely 10:00.
i just saw someone i know on True Life. i need new friends.
As your boss, I feel obligated to tell you that turning our management meeting into a kegger may just be the best idea you've given me yet.
We're gonna take a moment of silence to pray... that his penis is as pretty and as talented as his brothers.
Im at target. Idk why I'm buying condoms AND a tutu for my cat. No one who dresses their cat up has ever gotten laid.
last karaoke night = doing dmx songs with a guy who threatened to stab me. so yeah I'm coming out.
it's a drink the shower water kind of morning ...
Oh man I'm using the bubble wrap that wraped my new vibrator to wrap my dads fathers day gift
It was an "I snuck in through the window at 5am with my underwear in my pocket" kind of night.
I'm thinking blowjobs and wheelchair sex should be part of any post-injury wellness plan.
I will never look at a penis the same again. After that I will appreciate them so much more than I do. Makes me wanna kiss yours just for being pretty
Well I smoked some weird shit and I think I peed on my phone.
You kept insisting you found queso that's better than oral sex
It kind if looked like a strap-on dressed up for Halloween.
Quick question: now that you've broken up, should I also delete the nudes your boyfriend sent me while you were together??
Randomize
