the stripper made me go home becuz she had to take her kid to a birthday party in the morning
He started to lick my mole,thinking it was my nipple.
possible father of this baby just finished his test first in a lecture of 200 people. other possible father finished about 100th.
I'm rooting for #1.
Just had to explain to the nurse WHERE I have poison ivy. Great Day
he made a joke about you fucking his daughter...i think youre golden
I have vodka an food stamps. At some point today, that will undoubtedly turn into jello shots.
You remember the guy that busted in waving a tazer at everyone yelling "get the fuck outta my crib"?
yeah you don't forget that shit easily
We ended up crawling out from our hiding spot and playing pool with him once he calmed down. His name is Marcus. I got his email.
in my defense, he kept drinking all of my water.
he had diabetes and you told him to stop being a pansy!
Haha he was not a poor little guy. If he'd talked to me or something I might feel bad. But since I saw him groping other girls as well as myself there's no sympathy coming from me
He's just picking out the right girl. I do the same thing with fruit. Grope them, squeeze them, smell them. I have to know I'm getting quality fruit.
Want to go home, so casually slip my underwear in his pocket. Never seen him grin so big and say goodbye to his friends.
Sometimes I really think that if... When your stoned you have a catlike ability to just relax in any position
Literally just napped at strip club. Don't know how long
the only thing I remember was some guy took out his fake eye to use it for beer pong
maybe you met your husband and you just don't know it yet
and other hilarious jokes you can tell yourself
Can you dump a guy for having pierced nipples or is that shallow?
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