that's why i date skinny girls, they don't realize how small it is.
it feels like theres a golf ball between my legs. the sex was totally worth it tho.
just found my old 10th grade stash of beer in a shoebox. guess who's getting trashed tonight
Cool, so I just walked in on my grandfather checking his prostate in the kitchen.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
we managed to turn Dream Phone into a drinking game. don't hate.
I can honestly say I've never had orange soda poured on my vagina before, that's a story for the grand kids
Around noon tomorrow come looking for me. I'll be on Mill wearing whatever clothes I haven't lost yet. DO NOT REPLY. DO NOT ASK QUESTIONS. JUST DO IT.
I am in macy's and just straight up heard an old lady taking a crap in her depends.
I opened my package from my mom today. She put four bottles of tequila in the bottom under my ducky slippers. She knows me way to well.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Excuse me hold on, hooking up with someone who is verified on twitter is like being important.
Tomorrow, you will get a text, and it will bE spelled right, that's me yo, certify ya soon
Turns out the old man beside me in the waiting room was dead, but other then that it was a good day.
I ran into him drunk, barefoot, at rite aid and he said I looked "stunning." Yeah, Stunningly shitfaced haha
he high fived his dick after we had sex
you bounced a quarter off my butt and it came back hitting you in the eye. karma, bitch.
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