It doesn't matter if they shave you or not, you're still susceptible to the staph infection.
I think I'd remember a dick in my mouth
I just withdrew $200 in ones. I think the teller knew what was up
I've already come up with two plans that will probably end with me getting kicked out of here. You guys should come faster.
So i do have strep. My apologies to the british guy from this weekend. You now have one more reason to hate america
So howd u manage to get high at a one year olds birthday anyway?
isn't that the guy who always buys you drinks?
yeah. i love a man who still buys me drinks after the bar cuts me off.
next time on intervention
He just had a handle of vodka with ice in it yelling at people hot august night mother fuckaaaaa and was pouring it on his face
HIV testing and a light brunch. Sounds like a great way to spend Christmas Eve.
Maybe you'll have a Christmas miracle
I understand that just don't try to seduce me while making frozen pizza again.
I can feel your movements against the shared wall we are leaning up against. It makes me feel as though we are one. Queue Pocahontas song...
Question #1: Why am I on my living room floor? Question #2: Where did the bloody footprints come from? Question #3: Why are there two McChickens next to the wine bottle?
You tried to steal my pants at 3am saying they were yours and somebody was gonna die, not cool dude
This strip club is mediocre. Talent is fine. Fung shui is bad.
Accidentally mixed my gin with cold brew coffee instead of cranberry juice. It’s bad. But I’ll finish it. Never leave a fallen soldier.
Randomize
