I just poured my flask into a drink. Then I realized the drink belonged to the guy next to me so I stole it from him. He confronted me and I made out with him to distract him. When I looked up, I realized his wife was watching. Its barely 10:00.
nutella sex= disaster
Walk of Shame time yet?
Dude she's 6"2, blonde and on the cheerleading team. I look like Seth Rogen's fatter, unfunny brother. What shame am I supposed to be feeling?
My rats are drinking wine. I am drinking with rats. God i am so alone.
Itd be like fucking a waterbed thats been locked in a barn for two years.
Where in the FUCK do you get your analogies
It's ok that you're screwing someone else while trying to get back with me, I'm banging three girls while I ignore you.
Last time I sleep with a guy with a penchant to fragrance his dick. Every time I sit to pee, I get a whiff of Axe body spray.
One day. I will touch his hair. I'm curious if it'll be like a soft cloud.
The rest of the concert I just stared at the lights and didn't really listen to the music cuz I was trying to make sure my brain still worked cuz my face was numb and I couldn't move... Yeah I'm not a weed brownie person
Please brint me miilk. I am on the floor but my door is open. Thank you, i appreciate u verry much.
WINE AND FILM. TALK ABOUT AN UPGRADE FROM NETFLIX AND CHILL.
I made an executive decision to rename my Resume file to something other than MONEYMONEYMONEY.
I am so horny. It's like all the stress of finals week has relocated to my vagina.
There is a baby in my apartment. What the fuck happened last night?
Apparently I told the mayor I want to be a trophy wife
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