Motorboating on a tuesday night. not too shabby....
Glitter + Penis = Best. Idea. Ever.
couldnt find a condom. used a surgical glove instead. actually worked and the sex was great. thanks nursing school
i dont even feel safe using a push mower...that hungover
He did a 4 wheel burnout and yelled at the cops "Sorry! It's for a school project!". HOW does he think of this shit?
Maybe tomorrow I'll be drunk again and can provide you with texts at a more reasonable hour. Here's hoping. GOodnight. Tebow loves you
Did not foresee holding down food at work today to be a struggle today
So half of us were already throwing up outside when the Ukrainians ask us if we're ready to start partying yet. I love this country.
Seeing your one night stand on campus never gets less awkward. Why is Subway the only good place to eat?
Seriously. Come back. I've had two beers for breakfast so far. The third will be for lunch since it's already 12.
I will keep you posted and someday if we daydrink teach you how to do a footjob
I just woke up in the closet wearing nothing but a Santa hat.
I left at 4:30 in the morning and I told him it was because I had to take my contacts out
I still can't believe I was army crawling thru his backyard at 2am..
I'm serenading his dick with my words. I understand how poets get inspiration now.
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