Did I tell you he has dinosaur sheets?
im in a room full of women tattooing each others tits. i hope i remember this tomorrow
I woke up on the side of the highway to the ppl in orange jumpsuits cleaning to comunity service. Not sure which freaked them out more... Finding a dead b ody or me not being dead
Im in the beachers at wrigley listening to four lesbians debate the pros and cons of 2girls1cup. Success.
Molly wanted me to tell you, "she hasnt shit on the floor in a while" like she thinks its an accomplishment.
You yelled "bananas are an excellent source of pottasium!"4 times in the middle of class. how do you not remember?
I don't even know what potassium is.
I bought a zebra print bikini, I'm gonna be honest here- if he doesn't want to have sex with me in this, he's gay.
Just ran interference for her again. Sometimes i wonder how many times in my life i'll have to be a cock block at the clinic
she put on her moms wedding dress and is chugging purple jolly rancher vodka, happy cyber monday
If I spent my amateur stripper money does that mean I am cleansed of my sins?
The teenager outdrank all of us. All. Of. Us. I woke up and she was getting everyone water and fruit snacks. I give up.
My RA just sigh me high as fuck acting like a zombie and scratching at my door. Thoughts?
and you fell through a lawn chair
I'm glad he doesn't have a bigger dick because he'd just use it for evil anyway
The guy next to me on the bus has one hole in his jeans that has over 20 mini dicks drawn on his leg. Classic.
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