Hey I have to teach you how to run in heels before vegas
For his 21st I'm getting a fancy hotel that way he can at least sleep in a nice bathtub
Just walked in and was handcuffed to a police woman. Fire fighter woman poured franzia down my throat. Aaaaand I just ate cookies off of Little Red Riding Hood's tits.
It's not like I ment to feed you the shots of vodka, my hand just kinda slipped.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Only catch is you have to sleep in the same bed as me. But no worries, I plan on being in a random guys hotel room every night. So it's essentially yours.
I was a battlefield of empty bottles and bodies. We though we won, but the booze had the last laugh.
i was thinking shit as she was saying it. it was a sarcasm time loop
$150 and 3 orgasms. Dogsitting is awesome.
I just wrote the Drag Queen from Saturday Night on FB and apologized for licking her. Weirdest thing I have ever typed...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just don't wanna be that girl with no ride and no pants
Of all the kinds of relationships I've had in my life, I'd have to say, lab-partner-with-benefits takes the fuckin cake
She wants to have a threesome with Taylor Swift. I think this is the kind of love my grandparents spoke of.
So it's my mom's birthday and I wanted to be super cheap and just walk up to her and say "I got you the greatest gift ever, mom! I'm actually sober right now!".
Every day I wake up and there is no spectacular morning wood waiting for me I get so sad.
My mom is dancing slutty on the bar I need more drinks to be ok with this
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