You know you think of me naked too
Not since I found Jesus
I hope I'm pregnant just to spite you.
Just checked my missed calls... why did you call me 37 times from 2:14 to 3:58?
There was an audience eating triscuts and bananas in the bathroom while watching him puke. It was a good birthday.
I just tried to sell my homemade "lightning bolt stencil for pubes" on Etsy.
Just remembered getting lost in a "shortcut" through yards and GPSing my way home last night
That was the first time I have seen a confused expression with a dick in the mouth
let's be real here, you have a beautiful vagina. this kid is a doctors son. that's a remedy for beautiful rich grandkids. he is just trying water his family tree, and make sure he doesn't end up in some piece of shit adult home. go for it.
Kyle's mobile fuck service..... Kinda has a nice ring to it don't you think??
My dad is so drunk he attempted to ride my two year old cousin's tricycle. For a solid five minutes.
my parents have to start far too many of our conversations with the sentence "this is an observation, not a judgment" than I'm proud of
So what's your itinerary for Amsterdam?
Show up, get drunk, get laid, try not to miss my flight home.
If I die here, tell my vagina and my cats that I'm sorry.
We were fucking in the bedroom then we heard Sports center on in the living room. He stopped midfuck when I started celebrating that my team won over his
i just wanted have a romantic star gaze moment with him. untill he let out a massive fart.
Randomize
