But if ***** wants to get filthy... Tell her to throw a text my way ;)
i think i want to fuck a midget just to see how difficult it would be
I wish we never smoked. I'm literally laying in bed opening and closing my eyes, just hoping a hot dog stand will appear in the room.
Ps if we're still living vicariously through each other, you had sex on a beach last night
Hey do you want me to wrap up that Jack in the Box you left in my gutter
Dude. Remember the only two rules I set for that? Always have a sober friend and don't do drugs with a fat chick.
Clearly my hormones are sending beaming lights to every penis in the area
If you asked me 10 years ago where I thought I'd be today, I can pretty much guarantee I wouldn't have replied with "buying hemorrhoid cream on Bourbon St at 7am"
Me and him getting it in is for special occasions only. Like Christmas and when they bring the McRib back.
Not sure if you're still doing the whole "sleeping with only one person" thing but if you're not we should sleep together when I get back in town tonight.
Oh okay. That's fine. I'll buy us both dinner when you bail me out
It's a post jail date
So yes we had an orgy last night and I sucked your tits while you fucked my husband but I am weird about sharing my toothbrush.
...is this motivational speaking, or sexting? It's getting hard to tell.
Of course my parents remember you. You showed them your tits
Trust me, I’ve got a sixth sense about dicks that tells me if a guy knows how to fuck and it’s tingling. You need to prove me right!
I’m not going to bang him just to confirm your Dickth Sense
The Dickth Sense!!! I love it! It’ll be our first porno!
Randomize
