i just fucked the bartender on my cruise to get free alcohol. have things gone too far?
There is an old man sitting across from me. Phone rang and his ringtone is children giggling, I'm not safe here.
It was like she tried to cover up all the weight she gained with a fake tan...
He was very impressed that you could put your hair in a ponytail by yourself while throwing up.
Hahaha it was a great moment in my life. This must be what post child birth feels like, given you don't get a combined asshole/ vagina
You got called a pussy at a party with a slow cooker, you can't let that shit slide
He bought you footie pajamas. Shit's pretty serious.
One day we'll be rich enough to go to rehab. Until then, fuck it.
She sent me nudes via email. What the fuck are we still in the 90s? Grow up
i dont know the whole gay terminator look is really hot on him
It's Scottsdale, it shouldn't be this hard to find drugs.
he's the only real guy friend I've had who I've never made out with
Tacos and sex are way better than any anti depressant pill ever was. I think I made a medical discovery here.
Dear Ex-Sister-in-Law, I never thought I would say this, but I just found your panties in my back seat. Please remind me to give them back.
Her pegging playlist is all heavy metal so stay away if you wanna keep your ass intact
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