i just used a urinal to avoid climbing stairs, i need to quit drinking.
You'd think after all these years of evolution that it would be longer than a golf pencil.
I told him I would sleep with him if he could name all the colors of the wind.
He made a note in his iPhone tonight so that he would remember that I rejected him.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
it's 8 a.m. and there are people having sex at the foot of the strangers bed i'm in. the guy just asked the girl how she lost her baby weight so fast.
If you can get laid in a rudolph onesie you are doing something right my friend.
Also, if you all get arrested i'm coming to laugh at you because i don't have the money for bail.
Peeling duct tape off of my dick is definitely one of the stranger sensations that I've experienced.
I KNEW IT. I HAD A FEELING. THIS IS GODS CURSE. BREAK UP WITH A SEX GOD. GET ONE OF HIS PEASANTS.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Come to Des Moines on Saturday, handcuff yourself to me and drink a bottle of vodka
Um..... I have taste. The only thing I am going to bedazzle is my vagina.
So I have now fucked both my roommates...This is why I can’t live with men.
My last one night stand called me today. Apparently I gave him a yeast infection in his mouth. Not sure how I should feel about this.
u ever get horny for food. i ordered a bunch of crepes and its doin it 4 me
hey sweets how's ur crotch today?
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