there's a guy here who looks like a hipster got a hold of obama and gave him a makeover.
I saved him in my fone as special pumba. he was just pumba but then he found me drugs
my text book just quoted the cookie monster
i feel like my eyelids need a kick stand.
Dude it was weird. The strippers vagina tasted kind of like your mother's.
I don't know what you told him but please make him stop telling me about his new video camera and winking
I don't care how hot he got, I can't get past the PTSD flashbacks of the first time he fingered me
i get drunk faster, i spend less money on food, and i'm losing a shit ton of weight. depression and its pills are doing wonders for me
That which doesn't kill you gives you an excuse to get shitfaced later
That was awkward , having sex with her while her husband watched via Skype. I'm a porn star or a target. Idk
You can't do wine Netflix and blow jobs in the bed you've had since 5th grade with your parents downstairs
By the way can you translate "sorry, she played you bruh" to Spanish? Some Hispanic guy who spoke absolutely no English callled me last night and when I tried to tell him he had the wrong number the response was "como? No no no no...." And then click. He was gone
In theory, it seemed like it would work.
Vodka Red Bull is like your spinach if you were Popeye
He kept telling me my vagina was a pleasure cave... I ended up just taking it as a complimetn
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