There was this creepy guy on the bus. So I puffed out my stomach & began so hold my stomach like I was preggers.
I trust that you have thought of something completely illegal for us to do this weekend.
So he thinks I sent him a picture of my boob last night, but it was really just a close up of my arm.
while we were having sex she stopped and said, "god is always watching". Then she started again with no other words said. We were fucked up.
Have introduced beer-pong to my work's Tuesday lunches.
I have a king size bed, I guarantee multiple orgasms, and I'll give you a ride home in the morning. Respond quickly.
Somewhere in the night I send my Dad a text stating "YOU failed as a parent"
You disappeared for an hour and showed back up with handfuls of bratwursts and yelled at my girlfriend that if she didn't eat them, that the nazis win
Oh my god I forgot there were Band-Aids on my nipples
While running home from the bar in high heels I multi- tasked and sexted with Brent. Jesus.
I remember doing shots of gin, then I have this strange memory of us making out in the womens room at waffle house.
I regret none of it.
I should have made a run for it. Seriously who calls the cops on themselves and goes to jail. ...on a Monday.
I missed rounds this morning...my senior resident hooked me up to and IV and made me stay in the clinic because he said I didn't look presentable enough to walk around the hospital
So was it everything you dreamed it would be
I puked.
Twice.
So is that a yes?
There is a woman in the stall next to me giving a pep talk to her daughter that wants to call off her wedding. I'm afraid to pee!
Randomize
