saw him outside... he got fatter, i got blonder. the winner is obvious.
i wore my purity necklace wen we fucked. but its ok cuz simplified was blasting in the background
hahahaha. im glad listening to simplified justifies breaking ur promise to god
i should start naming my morning wood
great idea but wrong number
it was great that she threw up because that made me the only one trying to hook up with her
i was super drunk. to the point where i was putting shredded cheese on a fork, putting hot sauce on it then dipping it in salsa. it was awesome.
I think my hand is broken. But his nose definitely is
It's like the god of all feather dusters, but for your vagina
It really is the softest mustache
It's like the bermuda triangle of cat puke
You should photoshop their heads on tigers first!!
For my parents' annivery card? How high are you?
So i am officially handcuffed to the pole on the party bus while taking jello shots.....this shall be an interesting night
Hooked up with a guy that looked like Dean Thomas. Mediocre at best, but I stopped myself from calling him Dean in bed. So I got that going for me.
I think he might be using me for sex. I also think I might be ok with that.
He stole my heart. I stole his identity.
maybe you should have closed the porn before you gave the professor your computer to hook up to the projector?
That chick keeps sending eggplant emojis
Welcome to dating in the digital age. Better catch up now that you’re divorced
and eggplant is code for penis. It means she’s DTF. Go get her tiger!!!
Randomize
