That guy over there looks like a cartoon/action figure.
omg, i know.
we're too high.
Her "get-your-paper-done-early-blowjob" incentive is the thing that has successfully deterred my procrastination
He just helps fat girls get exercise. One walk of shame at a time.
Apparently I joined a band last night. Definitely my favorite blackout.
Let's paint friendship bongs
I don't know what he did to me, but he did it wrong. I think my pelvis is broken. I cant even drive without it hurting. What. The. Fuck.
Everyone here knows me as 'that chick who will most likely steal your girlfriend'. My 99% success rate tells me this name is acceptable.
I found her face down on the kitchen floor asking anybody who walked by for Kraft Dinner
I ate her out in the bathroom and she did my makeup. Man i love being a lesbian
From the bottom of my heart, thanks for never sending me unsolicited dick picks.
Rain drop, shock top, drinking can't stop stop
He and his ex stood there talking about going to get Chinese food while I was half naked searching for my panties
4 pharmacies and not one had Plan B. If this is gods way of telling me it's time for a child, he can fuck off.
Do you want to get naked and order pizza with me
If you survived your 72 hour masturbation marathon put on some pants and come over. My mom dropped off a lasagna.
Randomize
