i'm listening to "transmissions" by The Tea Party from like '97 and waxing my legs. fuck i'm awesome in my alone time
You gave him head? He fingered you? A little bit of make out?
WHAT THE FUCK ITS LIKE YOU WERE THERE
Im in Brooklyn, he wasnt 23 or a musician pick me up
there was a guy here who managed to get his head stuck in a fishbowl. no, I don't fuckin know how
Ordered my mom Mother's Day flowers online and moved on to internet porn. Do you think this is some sort of Freudian slip?
Just remembered to take my BC at the liquor store. Just swallowed it with a free sample of Whiskey.
he designed a suit out of pillows to protect himself when he fell.
engineering majors are such efficient drunks.
I'm trying to think of how to explain to the dentist tomorrow that I think I pulled my jaw muscle eating pizza while drunk.
Why did 20 jello shots in a row sound like a good idea last night?
How the hell do you leave a party with a kitten? It's missing and everyone knows it was you.
"willing to pay anyone fun whos willing to hang out and laugh at my jokes while my friends are MIA" is this to desperate?
What's his name?? He crossfits 6 times a week, works in finance & is into the occasional felony class drug. His name is irrelevant in order to know if I wanna bone him again.
I yelled out "blow jobs!" in my macroeconomics class. Ask me more about how my life is spiraling out of control.
He showed up on school grounds wearing nothing but a suit of armor. Really at this point I'm more impressed than angry.
I dropped a piece of Mac and cheese in the shower and I almost still ate it. Stoned, but not stoned enough to degrade myself.
Randomize
