Just gargled Fireball to get the fish taco taste out of my mouth. Almost as good as gum.
I thought she was mad at me, but then we did a pose off and I realized we're friends for life
I just jerked it so loud the neighbor banged on their floor. maybe my wife got the point
Just wandered into a surprise final. Only a surprise for me though. I wish I could say this is the first time this has happened.
Something about a hand job in a car doesn't scream girlfriend
I tried telling you she just blew me in the bathroom but you were too busy making out with her to listen
did i walk over a car last night?
my tonsil wound opened up during the kegstand but i stopped it with a popsicle
I don't go on dates. I watch tv and play with dicks. dinner is a situation.
Just finished putting caution tape around the tv. Sober me needs to prepare.
ok so I've decided, new penis Thursday (formally known as new people Thursday) will need to be put on hold next week in preparation for Friday
Memorial weekend is the following week genius. New penis Thursday countdown has already begun.
On a scale from 1 to the worst weekend of my life, that was an 11. I can see again, though.
I ate breakfast with him. And by ate breakfast I mean we fucked on the kitchen table.
What the World Series means to me is that I've slept with too many giants fans.
Drinking at 10 in the morning and swimming might not be the best idea I've ever had but it beats working
Randomize
