either fucking kiss her or kick her ass to the curb. Either way I can hear everything you are saying
The way white people respond to them, you'd think Journey was the president of Caucasia.
they said he just opened the front of his shirt and threw up alll over himself
maybe it wasnt such a good idea to pregame our lease signing...
Only in this snowstorm did have I realized the lengths I'll go to to get laid.
worst part about day drinking... waking up to george lopez
Oh my god. My pre-date bowl for nerves tuned into "I'm too high for this date" he kept talking about trucks and I couldn't stop making racial slurs.
Your excessive judging is making this uncomfortable
My roommate is watching gummy bears "race" from a mega-marshmallow to his lava lamp.
SURVIVAL MODE. WE CAN DO THIS. Celebratory survived-working-christmas-retail sex to follow
At IHOP. It feels weird and sad that your cleavage isn't here for me to try to toss paper wads into.
You could sing the national anthem right before we have sex. Make it feel like a sporting event
I walked out and he was covered in jelly, slithering around the floor. I don't know how to process that.
There are regrets.. and there are RAGRETS
Who the fresh hell put 2 pillows a raincoat and a guitar on top of me to keep me warm last night
Randomize
