i'm at sigma nu and gary is here. what do it do?
Stay away from his face.
so i go for his dick?
Why do I always give away anal sex as birthday presents?
Shut up... one mans birthday cake is another mans sodomy my friend
That bus ride was like a tour of all the bushes I puked behind last night
hes like the used car salesman of hook ups and closed the deal w my taking him home with me,as is,today
Lost my credit card. M has a bottle of blood in her pocket from a hobo.
Hey please buy toilet paper today. Plastic grocery bags are starting to hurt now
Ice that vagina down, get some coffee, and try not to walk with a limp. It's time to dominate, pull it together
Just when I thought he had turned a new leaf, I see a "Let me get you pregnant" shirt in his closet
Do you remember making out with the dude in the back of my cab last night?? You said his mustache tickled your tongue.
It might be whiskey, but I view Marge and Homer Simpson as something to strive for
Shia LaBeouf arrested in austin for public intoxication. JUST DO IT
Im blaming it on six shots of Jack, loneliness and a chemical imbalance. That's the best I can think of...
I absolutely love waking up to see my phone search history is "xj" "qj" "cj" "uj" and "kj"
He was so drunk last night. He woke up out of a dead sleep at 330am, walked over to the dresser, opened his middle drawer and proceeded to pee. When I woke up and asked him Wtf he was doing, he told me it was fake pee and blamed it on the cat...we don't have a cat
i know were having a "heart to heart" right now, but does it make you feel uncomfortable that im sexting someone right now?
Randomize
