I unwillingly was the ball between four hungry hippos last night. I thought the one chick was actually going to eat me
I just talked to a CEO of a fortune 500 company while pooping. I LOVE being self employed.
Too bad it's not "confirm, ignore or not unless I've had 20+ beers"
Are you seriously picking mariokart over a blowjob? nott to sound like a bitch but seriously?
I did the walk of shame to church this morning.
hooker boots and all?
Yep. People looked at me like I was the prodigal daughter returning home. Full of sins but welcome anyway.
When you gave the girl your number the fat girl was like "take mine....here please take mine"
the room spins SO much faster in panama
I just watched a woman in a full wedding dress and veil walk out of the chinese buffet...I no longer believe I have a problem, and am afraid I am underdressed.
All I need is the Internet and a place to drink.
there's a girl in the coffee shop just eating a pint of ben & jerry's
SMART GIRL
The bouncer was being really rude for no reason. Steph PICKED him up and physically MOVED him from our path on the way out.
Well thats the pro of going out drinking with a pro body builder. Even if its a girl.
There's a fly in my room repeatedly throwing itself at my window, and I feel it's really symbolic of what I want to do with my future
Got baptized for New Years. In champagne and cheap vodka.
How much weed can I reasonably smoke now if I have to leave for work in a bit over an hour
We should form a club for all of us that have stabbed a sibling with a fork!
Randomize
