Nobody is wearing shirts anymore. What is happening.
Totally just asked Dad if I needed to show the real estate guy my tits so he would let us buy the house. I've really got to work on that filtering thing.
So Ryan had to wash the dishes. His solution: take a shower with them. I'm never eating at his house again.
sorry i was making out with matt didn't mean for it to sound like that. there was no tone
there should be a new saying, don't text and tongue
shouldve known this week was gonna be bad when I threw up in my coffee mug
So after tequila Thursday, Jess broke her arm table dancing. Now her and Andrew look like the perfect drunk couple, matching casts and all.
im trying to find a facebook picture of him that doesnt make me regret sleeping with him. its not working
Ordered a large pizza and definitely just paid the cab driver in pizza slices. I'm glad there's someone out there that's just as fat at heart as we are.
He just referred to his foreskin as a snuggie. Help.
I've never felt so inclined to grow a dick. THIS is what the gays in this town have done to me
Food lion is just a portal. Cheetos are the goal. Its like not banging a super hot chick cause she is french. She still has the same parts just from a different box.
Now I am going to fly my toy helicopter in the dark.
All i remember about last night is holding a bottle of bacardi and screaming challenge accepted!
I think it says something about my sobriety when I don't notice a Taco Bell wrapper stuck to my ass until I'm in the shower...
Came so hard my ears popped. This lovely piece of news and pissin in my driveway brought to you by rum
You're the only guy I know who could convince a lady at the pharmacy to trade you her pain pills for your antibiotics.
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