Did you know that when you swallow it's like 60 calories!?
That's okay, it's all protein anyway.
I was just making a list of the girls i have slept with and i can't remember your sisters name
I love the "adulterer" look on you. It's hot.
Its part of my fall instant classic line.
I'll be heading downtown with donuts and a lawn chair at 9am to go Halloween Walk o' Shame spotting.
Well if were past the bullshitting stage yes if not then no I'm not that kind of guy
apologized to him about 10 times for being drunk. told him about 15 times that he was "really pretty"
i dont even mind you always shaving my pubes when i pass out, i'm starting to find it liberating.
Heed the warning of the ghost of Oktoberfest present: German beer is soooooooo much better than our watered down children's piss. also lost all my clothes and am wearing lederhosen the rest of the trip.
You'd be surprised at the stuff my vagina tells my brain to say
U thinks that's bad? He told me that he had to envision high school wrestling in order to bust a nut with some girl
He laid on the ground 100 ft from the car crying about how he just wanted to be home already
It's probably not healthy how legit bummed I am that my bottled of wine is gone.
...and that is the first time I've ever wished fewer naked women on someone I like.
Drunk Sam makes promises that Sober Sam can't keep
If you fuck up my birthday by dying I will kick your fucking corpse.
Randomize
