I got fingered by sexual harassment panda last night, by a van, I can't remember if he took off his furry panda hands...
I just took the soap out of the bathroom and hid it... this way I could see if she would say anything. you know, to see how clean she was
There is nothing wrong with wanting a slide attached to your staircase
Ate apple sauce off his penis. Nutritious and slutty.
Mym mom just came downstairs as I got ghome ans I'm trying to act SO CASUAL as i stabdh here hut icant help bur be like 'girl where's ther Turkey sandwiche s' haahaa
I literally need you to talke care of me soooo9o9oooooo drubj gril makin a sabdwiche. SO far its judst bred and paper towel...
You just handed me your ATM card and wrote your PIN number on a dollar bill and said "for bail money."
I think we should have realized the night was going to be nuts when it started with a bum dying in front of my house.
He was the one that got away. From my vagina.
And then I told him since the day he walked away to get over what I went through he lost the boyfriend right to ask why my bed is broken.
I take full pride in being the one that broke ur bed. Want to go for the sofa?
Can we discuss your tits for a sec? That melon patch sprung up over night
You tried to get the Waffle House waitress to put a candle in your cheesy hash browns.
Nothing like snapchatring dick pics to a\nMarried woman while your girlfriend destroys Taco Bell in the next room. Almost caught, worth it. Got boobs back
he said he was going to fuck me like a rabbit in heat. What he should have said was faster then a train and over before a commercial
He's such a neat freak that he started making the bed while I was still laying on it naked. He succeed in case you were wondering.
so you can go out and drink with me then fuck me, or you can come over when i get home and fuck me, or you can come over before and fuck me, or you can come over before and after and fuck me... so many fucking options
Randomize
