Dude, I'm in her bathroom and there's crab shampoo... is it worth the risk?
You're missing what this discovery implies... she's got a fucking bush.
I wish there were wingman of the year awards.
there is a school bus full of santas parked in front of the liquor store
mimosa in my stainless steel water bottle. going green is not that bad.
i've never heard her scream louder than when the koreans scored. what am i lacking in bed?
Every once in a while you'd chuckle to yourself, and when I asked you what's so funny u replied "sometimes my toes tickle eachother"
Exactly. So you're exempt under the "I can't just fuck her to make it go away" clause of 2010.
At one point last night I over heard you say " I'm gonna puke in a bag and pour it down your throat" I LOVE YOU.
I don't know, Alex. I don't know. I lost my keys, my debit card, my makeup bag, broke my purse, had to have someone cut my shoe off, I have no idea where my costume is. I woke up next to the biggest douchebag I know and made out with this other guy while SIMULTANEOUSLY talking on the phone to the guy I'm talking to...
My whole family just stopped to look at me and aknowledge how fucked up I am.
do you remember showing me a picture of your husbands penis last night?
yea! the mushroom one. i would only show you.
I promised him we could have sex if he would let me take him to the hospital to get stitches.
I think the only context in which I'd be comfortable being kidnapped is by a band of baby sloths
Have you seen that new toaster that burns your pics to toast? Let's drink some booze and discuss what I have I mind.
It was a simpler time. With fewer STDs.
The moment when you go to plug in someone else's phone in your car and your lube is in the way. Don't mind that it's just my center console car lube. Normal.
Randomize
