i just drank a strangers drink off a toilet
i hope you realize that ur overconfidence only gave me one orgasm out of all the times we had sex. that's like a 1% success rate. u might wanna rethink how amazing you are.
nobody understood you. You kept speaking french and hiding shit in your boobs
On a scale of one to Chris Brown, how angry are you?
how are you not completely traumatized after 8 years of friendship with me?
I would describe it as pure and unadulterated shock, mixed with horror and a touch of nausea.
I found a big gulp cup full of vomit in my freezer, are you behind this?
The only good thing about this is that the pharmacy guy will stop trying to add me on Facebook.
i shit in a pringles can and hid it somewhere in your house....happy hunting
Why did I just get a ziplock baggie labeled "2010" on it from you in the mail?
dude to be honest with you there is a used condom that ive just left on my floor for three days
you have got to get your shit together
Quick question: how do I take a nice picture of my ass? I'm asking you because I figure with an ass like yours you're probably experienced.
I'm afraid I might run into that fat chick that sucked on me in the hospital parking lot while her friend cried in the car next to us, but I may be willing to take that chance.
Woke up on the couch with one cowboy boot on and a hat over my crotch. God bless texas.
To celebrate the holidays this evening, I will be replying “FUCK YOU” to all my spam emails. Can’t tell you how excited I am
Randomize
