if i dont get laid while im dressed as Tim Tebow, i'm just staying true to the costume.
they said they heard you say put it in my butt
When I unzipped my pants I said "Release the Cracken"... she dug it so we're getting married soon.
we just plugged the camera up to the big screen. would you like to come see what you did last night, in high definition?
This weekend is gunna be a fucking shitshow. I don't even wanna know how many dicks will end up inside of me
Can she stop putting up all these passive aggressive statuses and please come out of the "I-want-to-be-a-pornstar" closet already?
I was just sitting on the ground alone in fetal position shivering and chewing on my hand when she found me. ecstasy was not my best idea.
When this bachelor party is over and your life is in ruins, you have my permission to die.
So when this rash is gone wanna hang out?
Oh, cold wet seat on the 48! Are you piss? Are you the sweaty ass leavings of an obese person? Are you the spilled King Cobra from the night before? I do not know! I dare not smell to find out... Pants ruined...
Can we go out and get blitzed in celebration that they'll be no more surprise kids
It was the scariest thing ever having a flame that close to my balls...
You're having marijuana delivered to you. You're buying drugs and you aren't even leaving the house. I'm sure he'll be surprised if you're NOT wearing a bathrobe.
I can’t tell if I have feelings for him or if my vagina does.
Just letting you know that your little sister is now your eskimo brother. You can send a thank you edible arrangement to Tammy.
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