toast her oven
toast her strudel
inspect her gadget
I want to dip my vagina in sugar. Not only will it be sweet, but it will have a nice sparkle.
It's like that depressing moment when you drop your cocaine in the snow.
In the 30 seconds it took me to leave the bar I let the barback motorboat me, ripped open a stranger's shirt and bit his chest, then made out with El Camino dude. No, I'm not coming out tonight.
NEW RULE: NO INNAPROPRIATE CHOICES THAT INVOLVE GUNS. I LIKE IT. WRITE THAT DOWN.
Dude, she sent me a nude of her posing in the mirror and her dad was in the reflection
The one with glasses said he was keeping my bra. He had me sign it before he left and he said he would be hanging it up in his bunker. I support our troops.
He asked me not to hook up with anyone else because it would hurt his feelings.. while his arm was around his pregnant girlfriend.
as i sobered up i realized that her cute accent was actually a speech impediment
I remember caressing his hands asking him if he moisturized, then i proceeded to put his hands on my face
He won't leave and I need to take a shit and vomit, quite possibly at the same time.
So how do you explain to your boss that Siri called him mid sex?
I want to fling myself into the sun
I woke up in the bathtub with money shoved down my pants. I must've done something right.
B. I found a note on my phone and all it says is 'Fuck yeah im a racecar'
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