I woke up with my 26er down my pants and a peice of paper stuck to my forehead with gum that said "tell it to the greek goddess beside me"
u sent me just one boob. one just doesnt do it for me. u dont get full on a half a rack of ribs u need a full one
It's an acquired taste. Like keystone. Or caviar.
Well, there are worse ways to make $50 at a gay club.
As punishment for throwing up on my car, I am holding your phone hostage until the morning. You can read this message after I drop it off.
Found her. Shes unconscious up against the room door. Her credit card is in the keycard slot
She texted me shhh....im drunk, secret booty call...how could i say no?
so hungover. i just puked at the sight of the beer emoticon you sent me.
Do you know what the cost code is for strip clubs? I'm filling out my company expense report right now
I may watch porn and eat a baked potato covered in chili in bed
I don't fucking know. He perched his parrot on his dick. I left after that.
Nothing like casual arson to brighten your day
Sunburned by dick at the nude beach. Bad. She tried to blow me. But. I. Just. Can't. Saddest day of my life.
Don't worry about it too much, but I just committed us to possibly raising a kid
How... how did you get Adam Lambert's shoes? Does he know you have them? DID YOU STEAL ADAM LAMBERT'S SHOES?! Oh my God I am so turned on right now.
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