I finally had kitchen counter sex! i was so excited
Becky drew a cock on my face and is making me sit on the step.
what did you do that she drew a cock on your face and supplemental questions why did you let her?
why isn't there a fb relationship option that says 'still banging my ex'
I'm stoned and have been watching so many cartoons that I changed the channel and real people were on, and it scared me
you will always have a special place in my vag
Soup is not an acceptable meal before doing that many Jager bombs
He is eating chips off the floor in the emergency room..
Also I just took a shit at a bar so always remember that ANYTHING is possible.
I almost just texted "I'm lonely" to my gynecologist.
I don't understand why she gets annoyed by my drunk texts. It means she's who I'm thinking about even when my brain isn't functioning properly.
yup and then I snapped out of it and realized I was playing beer pong against a 4 year old... and losing
He complimented the perfect handprints you left on each of my ass cheeks.Thanks.
I'VE LOST MY DIGNITY, MY PRIDE, AND EVEN MY BOOTY CALL. HAPPY THANKSGIVING.
And he claims I gave him “fuck me” eyes while he was ordering me a happy meal
The night got way more interesting after Jimmy started doing summersaults in front of the bar.
Randomize
