It's what's on the inside that counts(972): They probably have big open vaginas so the inside is no good
Youre a pretentious asshole and im not sure who you think you are. Get the hell over yourself and the self righteous culture snob image because its pretty obnoxious.
Do you remember getting into a Delorean last night?
i can totally tell he's high. he's having a conversation with my dog.
atleast your grandma didn't give you her USED dildo just so you wouldn't have sex.
We are going to get clementines. And shoot them out of a ballon launcher. That's after we come up to the ivy with a bullhorn and reck havoc. Where are you.
we didn't have anything to do and wanted to get our money's worth out of our costumes, so if you see two mermaids day drinking by the creek it's us
He's nice but I'm a one bouncer kind of girl
You are the only person I have ever seen offer your other drink to the bouncer on two fors night
Bouncers are people too...giant angry people
I just got attacked by a swarm of butterflies. Nothing is okay anymore.
So how'd the job interview go?
well turns out the guy interviewing me was a regular at the strip club where i used to work. Talk about awkward
ugh I gave him morning sex and he doesn't even text me back for my bagel order
You drunkenly promised dick pics on your way out the door and then never delivered. I don't know how I'll ever be able to trust you again.
someday i'll meet a man and who loves me as much as i love getting drunk and starting fires
You told me I got kicked out of the bar for lipping off to the bouncers... what shocked me the most was that I made it to the bar
Randomize
