I dreamt Michael Jackson dropped his pants in front of me and I had to ignore it.
quick I need to know all the foods that the very hungry caterpillar ate
you know you've been in a long relationship when u start retiring sex toys
My boyfriend texted me as I was texting some random hookup from last night. His text: "Morning baby" My response: "Your cum is in my hair"
I JUST WANT SOMEBODY TO EXPLAIN HOW FORESKIN WORKS AND DO NOT UNDERSTAND WHY THIS IS A PROBLEM.
so im goin to clemson & my drug dealers goin to penn state. this is the hardest breakup EVER.
There's puke on my pillow. I'm still wearing my wedges. And I have a cab drivers number clutched in my fist.
I think my Halloween costume this year will be made entirely of pillows and I'll be Marshmellow girl or Kirby. That way I'm comfortable, warm, and if I fall over drunk I'm safe.
They are taking turns pissing on the fire. This is my life.
There are two women in my bed. I'm gonna have a bowl of noodles so I can better understand my success.
I'm attracted to him because he looks like the kind of guy who would lick my asshole without me having to ask.
Just saw the trailer for Spike Lee's version of Oldboy. They filmed a lot of it in A's building so like every scene features a place where I had or almost had sex. If oral counts then pretty much every scene.
I have someone saved in my phone as "This Hoe Ain'tit' Loyal" and I'm missing my superman boxers. Explain.
You licked my eyeball, you are officially cut off. If you just missed you can have a second chance on Friday.
We just broke up and deleting his dick pics is the hardest thing I've ever had to do.
Randomize
