also referred to as T.P.S. (Toddler Penis Syndrome)
just thought you should know that she got home at about 6am.... totally wasted. she was locked out and when i finally came to the door she was on a patio across the street with some random making hotdogs on somebodys elses bbq.
I never Thought the day id see a chick shove a 2liter up her vag. that happened last night
If a man's penis is referred to as "the family jewels" does that make a woman's vagina a jewelry box?
just threw all of the fireworks into the bonfire. thats why there are firetrucks.
Oh god. Just tried to hail a pizza delivery car. Awkward.
International sake day = success
I'm truly not mad that he's at a strip club, it's that he couldn't look far enough into the future to figure out how to get himself home from one
...and that's why girls with IBS don't paint their nails
Stop calling him just to say, "my vagina misses you."
All of my friends are hooking up and here I am, the lone asexual, looking for someone to eat these tostitos with me.
This is not a drill. I need a cape. And a tuxedo. Simultaneously. Repeat. NOT. A. DRILL....
I'm not trying to analyze you I'm just saying you are being unfair to soup
FUCKIN BIRDS ARE CHIRPING AT 4 IN THE MORNING. THE SUN ISN'T RISING YET MOTHERFUCKERS, GO BACK TO YOUR NESTS.
eating a weed cupcake with nutella on top at work. i AM a star!
just licked the cheese off a burger. that high.
Randomize
