I told my boyfriend my favorite food was strawberry poptarts, now my email inbox is getting spammed with nude pics of him with his dick in a poptart box..
He gave me a pearl necklace on top of my Karma necklace I was wearing. I guess I deserve whats coming to me.
I think he pocket dials me so much because I'm in his phone as 'Air Mattress'
Pretty sure I just convinced a drunk guy at the train station that I was from the future
My neighbor Chris is here. I am warning you, he is wearing a kilt I just saw his balls. Be incredibly careful that you don't see what I did.
We ate our feelings. Then drank our feelings. I feel feminism delivered.
Braid them armpits, sister.
SIMBAAAA REMEBER WHO YOU ARE
He started screaming when he saw my dog. He thought it was a polar bear
Interesting occurrence: the application I use to keep track of my periods and sexual encounters just notified me it had been over 4 months since you were logged as an active partner and ask if I'd like to remove you from my options. Wow, kmsl.
I just want every freshman guy to know about Grindr just so I can have more options
At one point I was convinced he was a snake and was going to eat me And I just accepted it
I've just had my first cup of coffee in a month and I moaned at the first drink and honestly I think this is the most sexual expreiance in 6 months
Nothing ruins an orgasm faster than accidentally calling out his boss's name
All I could think about was how many vaginas had been on the toliet that I was pukin in
Cockblock successful. That's for pouring nacho cheese on my flatscreen, asshole.
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