You'd love this place it's beautiful. Plus these people smell like garlic
Mother nature decided I wasn't going to be a whore today. Fuck her.
I apparently texted him "since you're taking time out to think about us. You probably need to think about me getting arrested right now."
Didn't get laid. But got a free pie from a waitress. A whole pie.
Swallowing. Like you said. Lions. Always.
Tipped our cab with a photo booth pic of us, a paper dollar, a dollar in quarters, a crest white strip. And a tanning pass valid in boston
I'm sorry you were dumb enough to get played by a male cheerleader
Please say a prayer for the elevator people at work today. My farts are significantly more potent the day after hitting that korean place for lunch...
I thought my dog was a polar bear. I kept asking how the north pole was this time of year.
I told him I was on the pill and it was OK to fire away. I want to never have to wear panty house or ever go to an office again. This is my early retirement plan. I want half of his NBA money.
after attempting to eat a candy cane bigger than my hand i have determined there's no way to eat this that doesn't seem erotic
she opened a can of olives, drained the juice and poured ranch dressing in. oh and 'croutons' (saltines) on top...
Last year I got a dildo in the mail on my birthday. Today it was just a credit card bill. Sadface.
When you wear a dress that resembles the shape and color of Kirby to a wedding, you get the attention you deserve.
HAMMERED.. I made a peanut butter and jelly sandwich with toilet paper instead of bread...
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