It was like a mary poppins bag, except a sexual mary poppins bag.
...she just doesn't genetically have the things I want my kids to have.
I woke up hungover and reached for a glass of water only to realize too late that it was vodka sprite with my splooge in it.
The trick is to not slur when purchasing the condoms at 3am
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
his dick is like his red hair, amazing but useless
if im not pregnant im gonna be so pissed for spending the money from my weed fund on the test
wow, a mother in the making
i was super drunk. to the point where i was putting shredded cheese on a fork, putting hot sauce on it then dipping it in salsa. it was awesome.
is it possible i asked you to give me a preliminary pap smear?
There's nothing like telling your girl to hold your pants while peeing on your neighbors door
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Just opened up the freezer to find chocolate penis popsicles. Too hungover for this shit
The ONLY place I sext is in my anatomy class. It's an amped up level of playing doctor.
You peed all over his floor and had a bottle popped in your ass when you passed out. Don't tell me I'm "still living in my college days"
Someone wrote "LazerSwords" on my cock last night. My erect cock. Tequila is no one's friend.
What part of I just want to watch porn, eat Taco Bell, and masturbate did you not understand?
She got a boob job, dumped her husband, became a stripper, got a DUI in her Porsche and is now dating her lawyer
I’m making her my life coach if med school doesn’t work out
Randomize