She's hot and she went to Notre Dame. I want to fuck the Catholic right out of her
we should go somewhere reaaaaaal shady
I cant video chat with you tonight, my parents are home
r u implying that im some kind of v-chat prostitution whore?
Is it creepy to message a girl and say you had me at stocked liquor cabinet?
Can you confirm that Victor fucked a girl for Jack in the Box tacos?
I cannot, but I know he fucked a girl for a Nerf hoop and a "Kingpin" dvd.
What color suit is the proper "i banged the bride" attire?
What's up with the fire hydrant in the laundry room?
Right now I'm in a club where they are passing out glow in the dark dildos by the dozen. I don't think my life will ever get weirder than it is at this moment.
Snaps to my Ella Fitzgerald station for such a jazzy walk of shame
If you get any calls give me a heads up. Im drinking rum in my underwear on the back porch.
"They let me see the x-ray. My nose is broken. I saw it. It was cool. Well, I guess it would be cooler if it wasn't my nose."
Eaten today: granola bar, pumpkin donut, and fritos. Oh, college nutrition.
What am I thankful for..I figured out I can drink on antibiotics without getting sick thanks to the power of pot gummies
So i dislocated my knee but still went home and fucked his brains out. Nothing gets in the way of my sex life. NOTHING.
My sister gave me satin sheets. We can fuck on satin sheets.
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