I'm too scared of my Fleshlight to even use it anyway.
I think i sorta joined a cult last night
He asked me how my body knew that a month was up when it was time for my period.
My drug dealer asked me out. What's the protocal for this?
I had a nursing patient tell me that her favorite drink was vodka and ensure...called it a colorado bulldog
i just figured out how to balance my wine bottle on my boobs so that i don't have to tip it with my hands...breathing has new meaning
I'm confused as to why I have a picture of your boobs in response to a photo of my father
You thanked me for a delicious cock and tacos...
Settled one third of the tab. Am going back for sex. Love you, make friends
we got stoned then he started showing me how to make his penis look like a hamburger...if that's not true love idk what love is
I can't tell if you're talking about my pussy or Cape Cod.
I'm beginning to think shitting his pants is just a normal thing for him.
I TAUGHT HER CAT TO SIT. CATS DON'T FUCKING SIT ON COMMAND. BUT THIS ONE DID!
It's basically my crowning achievement.
in your professional opinion, what's the most elegant way of saying "sorry I spent all night flirting with you, I thought you were gay" ?
It's dangerous to be this horny at work. I'm gonna stain my desk chair
Randomize