I'm drunk in f*****g wisconsin and want to kill myself.
If it's any consolation, be grateful that you're not in New Jersey.
this study room smells like vodka
the study room thinks the same about you
I just learned you can mail a coconut. I'll be over in 3 days with the rum.
APPARENTLY giving your friend one of your shoes so that you avoid the no shoes no service rule makes you drunk...
And to think..we used to do everything sober...
Judging that there's a photo of me getting head while sitting on a graveyard tombstone.....not good.
You came back with four clearly unattractive women and wanted to throw a dance party in my room.
I've done nothing but whore my gay ex bf out for the past 48 hours. It's getting weird.
you went over to those random dudes and told them you were an ordained minister and would like to bless their food. they laughed and agreed, then you said "now bow your heads in prayer" as soon as they did you grabbed a taco off their tray and bolted out the door.
I thought you just gave him blowjobs and he criticized your drug use.
i finally decided to cut him off after he he looked me dead in the eyes and said "how have i been inside you for the past twenty minutes when my pants are still on?"
I just imagined myself as R2-D2 and you as C3P0 walking around the Vegas desert looking for alcohol
Also we had sex while listening to fleetwood Mac on vinyl. Like the 70s called and told me to fuck off
I jus want to remember tomorrow how proud I was tonight for wearing my rainbow leggings as a long sleeved shrug I feel like fucking MacGuyver
Masturbating to death wouldn't be a terrible way to go. If you die tonight, I'll know how it went down. Promise not to tell your family.
Randomize
