I judge my drunkenness on my brickbreaker playing skills. I'm winning. Suck it.
Take this only to mean that we love you, but we're having a serious, half-hour, hypothetical discussion about how far we think we could throw you.
This is no lauging matter. Huge cock equals great sex. Marriage to huge cock equals great life.
did you by any chance leave me that 7 minute long voicemail of you running and constantly tripping into bushes?
I keep telling girls I work at the carnival and then guessing their weights. I'm pretty sure I'm about to get kicked out.
Your roommates boyfriend just approached me while I was working to tell me about the staph infection he got on his face. Where do you find these people?
They want me to get them some X for there wedding present. I'm on the way to get it now
This may be hard to believe, but that wasn't the first time I was fingered under a snuggie
It's not
I just sang beautiful by Christina Aguilera to a kebab. This is what my life has come to.
LESSON OF THE DAY: Saying Everclear gets you out of explaining anything.
We started a fund for a baby in a wine glass, I think we're pretty responsible.
I mean, he's 40, foreign, artsy but with substance abuse problems and estranged children. How is he not my type?
I wasn't supposed to sleep w him. So of course I sent him gps location to my bed.
i love discovering the tokens of our drunkenness from the night before. it's like easter egg hunting. today: smashed pizza rolls in the sink.
How was I supposed to know the accent was fake before i slept with him
Randomize
