This isn't the rejection hotline, is it?
apparently smacking a customer in the face with his iPhone was not part of the WOW factor we learned in training...
those are the first brownies ive had since i was 13 that didnt have weed in them.
Need to stop getting stoned with this chick, I keep waking up covered in pizza sauce
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just set the shake weight record at the bar. 20 mins of that crap and drinking beer through a straw will get the job done. I also bet the bartender 100 bucks I could go shot for shot with him. The date for that event is TBA.
ok. can u leave the new roommate a list of instructions for me? like what i need to be fed and when i need to be exercised?
Corn dogs constantly. And all.the time
Passive mediator is your role in this relationship. My role is dick punching arsonist
Its raining shots and i keep catching them in my mouth like you with dicks shits crazy
Just got offered a dog by two Meth head's one of which wasn't wearing shoes and continually saying "fuck"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You're a five foot adderall and caffeine fueled ball of sexual frustration and suppressed rage. It's only a matter of time before you snap. We're taking bets on when.
Just participated in the saddest thing: Cheetos. Handjob. I have lost at life
Well you were listening to music and having sex really loudly. How was I supposed to know you'd hear me making rocket sounds?
We should have a mid-burrito sex-break, too. Just so we don't get too full all at once
Good point.
Ive got small boobs, but they sure do like to pop out and party with the big dogs.
Bring shot glasses to the final. Don't ask questions.
Randomize