ok shes still asleep, should i pee on her and say she did it herself? and by the time you respond to this ill probably have already made the decision
so i texed my mom when i was trashed last night and said "i know its 3 am, just go to bed and i'll be back by the time we leave for the airport"
I swear ... this hickey is a map to Amelia Earhart's whereabouts
my ass has officially been on the floor of every fraternity on this campus
and who said we didn't have goals?
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I drank mimosas and played bocce ball in the middle of finals week...now i know how Comm majors feel all the time.
Just think about it this way, every time you work Sunday, it's another $75 and that equals another hooker when we go to Amsterdam.
Talking about the game in the closet with a banana wearing sunglasses.
She kept sniffing my sweater and tried to guess what type of detergent I use.
I drunk dialed my ex-boyfriend last night. He was sitting next to my new boyfriend. Shoot me in the face.
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He left in the middle of the night, he left his shoes behind and stole my doc martens..size 6 female. Wtf?
I damn near set my vagina on fire. WHILE The Flaming Lips played in the background. Intensely apropos.
My roommate was tripping balls last night, he kept me up all fucking night
Roommate? Please tell me you're not calling your cat your roommate
So glad the long weekend is over so I can bring this bender to a merciful end.
The only monogamous relationship I can keep is with my eyebrow lady...
Currently using my kid's computer to charge my vibrator. #thisis30ish
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