i've never been more proud of someone than i was when he told me he got his first blowjob at age 13...from two chicks
this is two weekends in a row I've been the pantsless girl at the party. I love my social life.
I just typed 14 shots of Smirnoff into my calorie count toolbar. Then typed pole dancing 1.5hrs into the calorie burner search. Should break even.
He was taking the caps off the vodka bottles and throwing them out the window so we'd have to finish them. Engineers have the best logic.
At least I wasn't still dressed as a bottle of dom perignon when they took me to the ER
I poured myself a glass of chocolate chips at some point during the evening.
About to see some guy and give him a glance that tries to express how sorry i am for blowing his friend while he was getting a BJ in the same room
I am listening to lecture and I can hear us in the background talking about anal beads.
I just learned a new drink. Sloppy Ninja. Half Saki Half Nyquil
I found your knife. It was stuck in my bedroom ceiling.
Using your ex girlfriend's little brother to pick up women at the a&p: priceless
We need to get stoned and watch Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles 2. This has become a priority. Schedule accordingly.
Did he hurt you? I have a crowbar I can beat his sorry ass with
The free coupon that printed out with the purchase of my plan b emergency contraception was for allergy meds. I feel like a coupon for condoms would've been more fitting in this situation.
Oh wait. It's for wart remover. Fitting, afterall.
You know it's a good May 2-4 when it involves 14 straight hours of vodka slush and garlic bread
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