Is it a little weird that I have a ridiculous urge to have sex while the theme song to the Pirates of the Carrbibbean blares in the background?
WE WERE REALLY IN A PORNO LAST NIGHT
I walked into cold stone and the guy started preparing a supersized birthday cake remix for "Mrs. Munchies"
i was so blacked out at my family party.. my mom gave markers to all my little cousins. i was tagged by 5 year olds.
You said "It's ok guys, I know I'm not really a turtle" and then tried walking on the lake.
was it you or me who tried to make the, what appears to be, nacho cake in the oven?
No, I left myself a half eaten cucumber and a beer next to my head, pointed at it and said 'you're breakfast' and then passed out.
I woke up spooning with a broom that someone taped a mustache too..i need to stop starting my nights by drinking "hangover" wine.
I've drank literally 19 beers and am still good. Utah is worthless
looked up people from my old yearbooks. 3 ex boyfriends are gay. im getting drunk now.
Thank you for listening to my rant about tacos.
Please tell me why I’m standing naked in the kitchen drinking pickle juice out of the jar & there is a container of potatoe salad with no lid & a spoon in it on the floor 🤦♀️
I’ve developed a strange interest in ear wax removal vids on YouTube. Dear god, I need to get a job
grapes are the best munchies food ever cuz like the juice explodes in my mouth and my mouth gets all relieved of dryness. and the skin of the grape is like the food. and theres so many grapes!
Talk shit all you want but with my new knife sharpener I have a lethal razor sharp pizza cutter. Fuck with me Mario I dare you!
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