After last night, I could never be a politician.
I decided you couldn't drive after you asked where the time circuits were on your Altima
I wanted to see November 5, 1985
I caught a rooster roaming Edison Park then released it in the bar. They made me try to catch it again and somebody played the chicken dance while I chased it
So not only just find my adoption papers that I didnt know about in my parents house, but they say "child shows some signs of mental retardation".
Was I shouting at a fire engine last Friday?
I have been sober for so long that I miss hangovers... what is happening to this summer?
That was the first time I have seen a confused expression with a dick in the mouth
I've just stalked all the hot guys who have clicked "attending". I now know which guys are "yes", "maybe" and "no". I only hope my drunk self remembers.
Dude, he threw a pool chair off of an 8 story building. It was a successful night I'd say.
She was pouring Goldschlager in my mouth during the shower sex. How can you NOT like her?
He wanted to have sex in a church because he has keys to it from court-ordered community service. WHAT IS STANDARDS?
Naw, the sex dungeon had to come down so we could build a nursery. Cause and effect really.
Nope, can't do it. It's a snowball effect. Today, leggings as pants. Tomorrow, female hitler. Natural progression.
I just laughed so hard that my back cracked so hard that I thought I was cumming. Magic
Ohhh the usual. Laying in bed reflecting on my decisions
Randomize
