I woke up to him trying to put his dick in my mouth. When I asked him what he was doing he said he was trying to make me stop snoring...
Someone shat in the 1st floor west girls hall. Literally SHAT in the hallway
That's what she gets for taking his peeps.
Right now, my father is sitting on the couch, totally smashed, crying, eating pringles, and watching the credits of Transformers 2. Love him.
just threw all of the fireworks into the bonfire. thats why there are firetrucks.
$1 margaritas. This happy hour needs to end.
Your cum is still running out of me. I pity the next person that tries these jeans on....
They better compete for your attention. Dual to the fuck
I just ate a bag of doritos while taking a shower. I can now officially do anything
I'm microwaving a frozen bottle of Two Buck Chuck while watching The Proposal with my housemate. I'm not sure what success is like, but I'm fairly confident this isn't it.
I performed "get broken glass out of my shoulder" surgery last night... Drunk, with a what-a-burger straw.
we've had our differences but let's set them aside, go home and fuck
Also was told that I was her "third favourite booty call" - I'm taking this a good thing right?
It's a podium place so yeah...
want to know what my life has come to? I just took a 45 min shower banging on the walls and making loud sex noises so my neighbors think I get some.
im just going to make a prayer circle of top ramen packets and cheap beer
I have aggressive nipples.
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