Honestly there's alot of things I'm confused about the only thing I know for certain about last night is that I ate pizza
I really think my ability to vom without making noise mmight be my most useful talent
I thought if I stared at him long enough he'd walk me to my car. but he didn't. he dddidn't. i rreally thought i had those powers.
At what point did we agree that playing bocchi ball on the way to the liquor store was a good idea?
heres the thing, we have 120 cans of beer left in the fridge. until thats finished we cant fit food in the fridge
You brought us all personal gifts you had stolen from the party and bellowed "hoes hoes hoes, clepto Santa loves you"
I just hate that one day I'll have to tell our children how we met, makes me look like a gold digging whore
I did something similar high once. I stopped like 30 feet in front of a stop sign because I felt like it was running towards me and I started crying. Got out my car and hugged it and told it not to run away people need it.
So I have to send you an email about my weekend, heretofore referred to as The Perfect Weekend. Wherein I have lots of awesome sex with a guy with THE MOST AMAZING BODY.
I look forward to this email. I will respond with, Condoms and Creepers: The Adventures of Online Dating.
idk about you, but when i sext i just hit em with the "yo lets bang" text
The bros used their bong water as pong water but I walked in mid game and didn't know so they hit our first cup and I chugged it.
you seriously don't remember..? but then again, you were taking shots by yourself for like 30mins
Can you come unlock the door? I just peed myself on the porch.
So I crawled off the trampoline to puke in the neighbors yard. Wonderful house guest right here
I'll be perfectly honest; there are times other guys have consented to have sex with me because of my punctuation.
Randomize
