I'm drinking while my friends build sand castles, now I know how my dad used to feel
just gave a homeless man a kiss in exchange for two handles
exact location. now.
Just try to lay there and not be pregnant.
then they caught me trying to hide the turtle in the fridge
I found out that they tried to reenact the Snooki drop by using a jump rope and the banister. Pictures say it all.
Now have a vodka water and get your shit together
A small child is toddling around the store, holding a coloring book and a shot glass. Thinking of you.
he does have a point though, watching you drink makes me never want to drink again
THEY AREN'T MARRIED. PUT ON YOUR HOMEWRECKING PANTIES AND GET TO WORK. NO EXCUSES.
Come through the front door when you get here.
Right now I'm so wasted I can't determine whats a door and a window.
On the upside I'm hairless from the waist down. On the downside, I just chemically burned my labia
When that bartender tried to tell us he sang like Sade, I knew it was time to go
Stop your judging. I got free booze AND an oil change. You're the one whose always saying we're spending too much money.
I shit myself when I came, don't have flu sex
I don't know what you slipped me, but my TV is vomming blood right now. Thanks, jerkoff.
Randomize
