Sometimes I wonder if we could be friends if we lived closer.
seriously iPhone. stop autocorrecting all my fucks into ducks. you're making all my strong worded texts look harmless and adorable.
I just tried to pick my 105-lb puppy up and accidentally fingered its asshole
There are some things we keep to ourselves Brian
i am sorry to ask, but i need y0ur honest opinion . when i turn sideways to someone, does my nose stick out like a beak ?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I hate it when she philosophizes drunkenly on my kitchen counter. not even sober do i understand latin.
so the plumber came, he found condoms, feathers and glitter in the pipes.
I awoke in a cab to find myself on a ride to niagara falls. Apparently I paid the cab driver half up front.
Yes perhaps we are both wrong. And did you call me bj girl?
Buying weed with grant money. God I love college. No other time are we presented with these opportunities.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I want him to rain dance my fallopian tubes.
i accidentally sent all my draft messages..how do i do damage control for the multiple "fuck me now" type msgs sent at ten am?
Is it weird that I Facebook creep hot people from their credit card receipts?
Being single for so long makes me fucking creepy.
I swear every time I see him he's either dancing or trying to touch people
OF COURSE I NEED TO KNOW I MUST KNOW EVERYTHING
YOU ARE NOT OMNIPOTENT AND YOU HAVE TO DEAL WITH THAT
I AM OMNIPOTENT AND YOU HAVE TO DEAL WITH THAT
Just got a handjob in my psych lecture. You were right, going to class is paying off.
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