Okay you're seriously so fucking annoying its like having a baby
youre talking to a girl on facebook chat right now and im sitting behind her in class lol. creepy?
What I lack in compassion I make up for in lack of compassion
The only person who has seen my penis more than that girl, is that girl's sister.
he asked me to eat out his asshole. after five minutes of uncomfortable staring i realized he was serious.
My passouts and memory loss are great training for when I have alzheimers. You'll know where to look when I get lost.
I wish i could 80s montage me losing weight
I'm driving up the street and can't tell if my ears are actually about to pop or not.
A solid 8.5 on the baked meter, I need to stop.
Thank god he came over. I had to have some good sex to makeup for all the bad sex I've been having.
Hey you're my best friend, I'm sorry I picked my vagina over my heart last night.
Just ate Panda Express. Fortune cookie had no fortune in it. I actually prefer this. Less broken dream potential.
Hiking for a first date sounded like a good idea in theory because there was absolutely no possibility of me blacking out. In practice, I'd rather black out than go through what I just went through.
Its a shame I cant put 'bomb ass head game' on my resume.
Just called to hear your voice and talk about pizza.
a reward? ill think of something
if its not drugs or food I swear to god ill throw a fit
Randomize
