Vomit. Vomit. Whatever. You wear a tiara in public.
do you think they make "congratulations unfit mother" greeting cards?
or abortion recommendation cards.
you just used "cock block" and "youth group" in the same sentence. somethings wrong with you.
i threw up in a box in my own lap driving today.
He smells so good today
Seriously, back away from the sexual harrasment suit.
I want to buy her liposuction. And a spot on What Not To Wear. And a face transplant.
we dropped acid in chinatown. worst. idea. ever. too many colors. and nobody has any idea where steve is.
I might go to an NA meeting just to fuck that boy in the bathroom.
Baruch atah adonai DAT ASS DOE
Is eating a dinner of fishsticks and gin mean you're failing at adulthood? I'm asking for a friend.
I seriously just forgot to push down the toaster twice in a row \n\nSo I've been waiting 8 minutes for toaster strudels that I haven't even started... Too high
Getting paid in weed to watch a pregnant adult with cooking skills is the TITS
I woke up on the hammock spooning a box of Cheese Itz.
If by science you mean beer then YES!!!!
I asked what it takes to be a good delivery driver, my new boss said "always keep these in your vehicle" as he handed me a flashlight and a blunt. I'm going to like this job.
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