I really wish i had a penis so i could dick slap that bitch right now
I totally got off with my controler for my ps3. Soooo glad I ended up with that racing game for Christmas.
should my penis look like a turkey
You're being dramatic. You can calm down, or you can piss off. Either way, I ate your burrito.
it's like russian roulette but with a penis
I don't think he grasps the fact that I would much rather he finish inside me than on my $400 Anthropolgie bedspread
Chapter 6 - how to lose your underwear in chicago
I may wear a condom to jerk-off tomorrow knowing that my hand has touched surfaces in this bar.
Stop leaving me alone with my ex boyfriends after keg challenges. Woke up in his bed covered in what you think would be cum. No...toothpaste. He left a note. "Be home at four. Don't be here when I get back."
so when our kids ask "when did you know you loved mommy?" you're gonna say "when she sent me emoticons about slobbing on my knob?"
I mean, I introduced myself as "the after party". I think he knew early in the night he was in for a bangathon.
Had a dream I dropped the L word and immediately threatened to kill myself
You probably shouldn't be having nightmares about expressing affection
While I'm here in reality dreaming of catching chili cheese fries with my mouth out of t shirt guns like Jesus is real
I guess I asked for the two old strippers numbers at the end of the bar and it turned out to be the bartenders mom and aunt...
Idk why more people don't drink at work ... i mean, yeah, the cash might be off tonight, but my customer service is fucking phenomenal right now
Randomize
