This girls a $30 bar tab from being bi
i just googled "who won the civil war" . how can i still have a 97% in this class?
I made an oral joke and he laughed... That's when I realized I wasn't Daddy's Little Girl anymore.
Exactly how does jacking off in my purse count as a 'early christmas present'?
I knew it was a good Wednesday night when I woke up tucked in to NOT my own bed with my beer helmet, an empty bottle of Jose, and a trash can placed in front of my face.. Happy 20th!
I'm like a magical alcohol dispenser. I pulled this kahlua out of my vagina.
Oh. I'm probably going to just get a viagra and ruin your life.
You still owe me a blowjob for knowing more about hurricanes than you.
Is it weird that I only look up my ex on Twitter when I take a shit? May have conditioned myself to associate him with shit
Vodka, rum, moonshine, I don't care, just bring like 5gallons.
I'm just blindly tossing my dick into whatever comes my way.
For some reason she gave me a handjob. It was all very confusing
Also epiphany: I gotta quit fucking with dudes that have never seen Harry Potter. They all turn out to be shitheads who probably eat honeydew.
The wedding is over. Operation sleep with my step-sister has officially begun
I'd rather plunge my eyes out than acknowledge being related to either of my brothers
Randomize
