That chick was all over your bacon last night, grinding on you, I thought you were going to bang her in the club
Dude it was a lap dance
Grossest hangover story of 09: Puked in the bathtub. I was in it.
My penis looks like a roll of pennies
Oh. Ok. I get the hint.
Like a roll of pennies where the paper got wet & then dried all wrinkly and weird...
I woke up this morning under my fitted sheet and my legs through the sleeves of my sweater.
it only takes four glasses of wine for me to ride an elephant with a stranger.
Professor used "ROFL" while grading my paper... Do I even go to a real college?
So theres a slight possibility i may not graduate according to planned because i was out getting laid instead of studying. And im okay with that.
i climbed out of the bath tub this morning and found him taped to the treadmill
I don't know what possessed you to do that, but you have to give the stripper more money before you try to check her oil or they are going to throw us out every time you do that.
Getting drunk and throwing things at people isnt the same with you not here. Remember when you dislocated my elbow and then popped it back in in one motion?
I just realized I donated our bong to goodwill.. RIP Kimbo Slice
You suck, She hit so hard.
SOME BITCH AT THE HOSTEL STOLE MY NUT BUTTER THERE WILL BE BLOOD
Like, I don't need to know your life dude. I just need you to suck my tits.
my nurturing instincts told me to take his clothes off
i had to call him over, it was my last chance at getting some tonight
HE HAS A RESTRAINING ORDER AGAINST U!!!
it expires tomorrow
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