bet u 5 dollars u can't guess were i woke up this morning
oh god.. jail?
better, on the catwalk of the auditorium
Maybe she got knocked up by accident. I still refuse to believe that anyone actually INTENTIONALLY gets pregnant.
He came on my chin and called me cumbledore. i give up.
Funny. I made out with his brother for the first time in a bathroom too.
Hey I think I found part of your tooth next to your wine bottle in the floor board of my car.
i was like his sober eyes girls would come up to us, show us theirs and if approved by me blew him, if rejected they went to my truck with a bottle of patron
don't pay it forward
I eont pay shit forward. told a stranger to call an abulance and peaced
your cat followed me a mile away from your house. if it doesn't come back, i'm sorry, but I needed to get laid tonight.
My therapist thinks I shld paint u something to show u my appreciation 4 ur friendship. 1) she must think I'm rite on the brink of no friends 2) this is real
She just asked to come over. She's either going to bring one of her dads guns and kill me or we're going to end up having insane lesbian sex.
I just imagined myself as R2-D2 and you as C3P0 walking around the Vegas desert looking for alcohol
Btw there's a hedgehog in my room. Don't get it high
Just a suggestion, don't apricot scrub your vagina.
Im gonna start dry humping the manequins and see if i get fired.
I feel like you're encouraging me to commit a felony.
I feel like you're wasting time.
Randomize
