And if you don't call me, I will embarrass you publicly with a can of spray cheez.
you tried to tell me that ice cream had no calories because they were "frozen"
the whole city is out of plan b pills. this is the meanest game of musical chairs ever.
Dude has a bag of wine attached to his belt. These guys don't fuck around.
Just a heads up: The party is Fourth of July themed. Spread the word
dude its may
Work with me here, man.
Drunk in a canoe getting pulled by a lawn mower thinking of you
Be honest with Daniel. He was a good rebound to you for nine months and he made it so you could be with the one you really love and care for now. Just tell him thanks and best of luck.
Had a drag queen carry me to the car. So I'm told...
I'm going to see if it catches on fire again, then I'll make the decision.
is there a reason blood came out of my hair in the shower?
head injury at diner. you headbutted the wall a few times because it got in your way
In the middle of our bar crawl last night we stopped to pet dogs at a dog park. who would let a drunk person bet play with their dog???
My one regret (beside the inevitable shit storm that followed) is that now I can't fuck his cute friend.
so an orgy is about to happen in the next room if you wondered where i am currently at in life
The girl at the liquor store remembered me as "the girl who pays in hundreds" so she didn't ID me
Found your brother. He was passed out in the tub holding a bottle of Shatto milk wearing nothing but his tighty-whities.
Randomize
