did you mean anything you said last night? i just wnna know
no
it's one of those mornings where you are proud of yourself just for waking up.
i think i left a case of beer in your dryer
Yo send me the pic of me stickn my dick in the paint bucket last night
I fed him pizza in bed. I'm probably the best one night stand ever.
Also they do not have any come back to america, i miss my fuck buddy cards at Hallmark.
Yeah! I was just fired because there was an over hire and the new girl is hotter than me. Seeing as how the new girl is my baby sister I think punching my manager is excusable.
according to the video, you won you first drunken karaoke contest based off of your actual singing abilities and not because you took your shirt! I've never been prouder :)
He stood me up and then his cat died. I feel like this is Gods way of saying he's on my side, even after the tequila fiasco.
Dude. You dropped to your knees and face planted into the rocks. And continued to talk on the phone and laugh. That's where those cuts came from.
I think I just pulled an onion peel off my boob from sleeping on their kitchen floor
mom how many of the songs from my childhood are mexican drinking songs?
all of them.
Jesus fuck that was emotional whiplash
i now know why i keep getting pictures of poop. apparently someone put my number in a girls bathroom saying i am a poop lover.
you text any of them back? this is probably the most women you'll ever have texting you in your life. don't squander a good thing
My favorite part was when you kept telling everyone you were being "green" by drinking straight out of the bottle so u weren't wasting a cup.
Randomize
