Dude I just picked up a married chick while her husband was playing pool.
What do you mean you picked her up? How are you gonna leave the bar?
I didn't. I fucked her in the men's room. Come get me before he finds out.
there is a ziplock bag over sangria in a wineglass in the fridge...classy?
i carry sandwiches in my pockets more than any normal person should
mom and dad googled us on the weekend. i love the internet less than i did on friday.
So, I picked up my 7 ft tall lamp post and used it to close my door. I feel quite accomplished.
Turns out, his fucking is as lame and staggered as his NFL career.
When we picked him up this morning the cop said that if they actually arrested every drunk American who pissed on cathedral doors, Spain wouldn't have any room for real prisoners.
Eating pizza and drinking wine while I watch the Victoria's Secret Fashion Show. The wine is for reducing the pain of falling asleep with more insecurities than what I woke up with.
I'm slightly more gay than I thought. I'd go so far as to say I'm a top.
Your biggest crisis right now is that you can't decide whether to keep hooking up with AN NFL PLAYER or try to rekindle your relationship with your ex. You are a walking white girl problem.
I have no idea what those words in that order meant, but if you go to Florida send me pics of strippers
At least your road beer policy is responsible. Well, relatively speaking.
Went upstairs to make PopTarts, found the door open. Shut it. Saw a grey thing. Opened the door, found a girl sleeping outside. What the fuck happened last nigh
Whatever you wanna call it i just wanna get railed tonight
He was singing on top of spaghetti, and then started crying. He said it was the saddest song ever, "so so sad".
Randomize
