Thanks for the three minutes of sex tonight.
I just saw Sharon Stone's cootch in high def. I think I'll stay gay.
next person that tells me Facebook is a professional tool is getting kicked in the teeth.
i thought to myself 'what a productive day'. then i realized all ive done is one load of laundry and shaved my balls.
Spent 200 bucks on a stripper for a good night hug. I give up.
I guess it was to be expected that I was put on somebody's list called penis socket.
Fair warning: We've transformed the living room into a giant tent.
High enough to ask the woman at best buy if she ever feels like she's swimming. and telling the man outside that he smells like happy juice.
Just don't eat pie out of the sink. It's a real blow to the self esteem.
It's like an R Kelly music video in here. Only a matter of time before someone pisses on someone
I would really just like to get laid somewhere that's not on a bathroom floor at this point in my life
Life lesson 8263 if drinking a beer in the shower be careful when shampooing... Tresemme flavored rolling rock sucks
I realized it was late, and he was my brother in humanity and another incarnation of my own life force and consciousness, so I regained control of myself, thanked him for helping me, and went home.
Why can't they just let me be the gorgeous cum dumpster that I know I'm meant to be?
I made soup. Now I'm having post soup making wine. I had pre soup making wine also.
Randomize
