I swear if I see one more guy in a v-neck and fedora I'm going to punch someone in the balls. This is philly, you're not supposed to look like Ryan Cabrera
Minivans at bars can only lead to bad things.
is it possible for your nipples to fall off? if so mine might. they hurt so bad...
Hold on im havin a staring contest with my cat
I woke up at 5 this morning face down on my bed with gummy bears stuffed in my leggings. Yeah.
Ok, so for future reference, in Rome, "piano bar" means "brothel".
Drunk in a canoe getting pulled by a lawnmower thinking of you
Cracked my iPhone screen. Real bad. Girl from last night isn't ugly yet. Stop me if you still think she belongs under a bridge. You have 12 seconds.
We bonded over the fact that we each, separately, got arrested on the same weekend.
He visits one Denver strip club and now hes moving there
Dang. We need a girls trip ASAP. Preferably in a country who has even lower standards than us on a Friday night.
HELP! How do I get paint off the dog?
I was desperate and wasn't about to let my cereal get soggy so I ate it on the toilet. Don't let me repeat last night.
I don't know which is weirder: that she was old enough to have a live-in son close to my age, or that the woman he was with was close to hers
look, bitch. one day when everyone i care about deserts me for my severe moral depravity, you're going to be the only one i have.
i can't wait.
Randomize
