I just didn't expect you to be so naked....
dude, i just saw a bobcat while i was rollerblading this morning
1 dont ever text someone @ 8am on sat. 2 dont ever admit to rollerblading past 1992.
i feel like a thai whore the morning after the navy left.
So the waitress at the Chinese Buffet totally just said "Adios" to a Hispanic couple. There's something you don't see every day.
You'd think after all these years of evolution that it would be longer than a golf pencil.
He started to lose his balance halfway through his "commencement speech" at the top of the staircase. The rest is bloody, profanity-laiden history.
... I went down on him at the movies. I feel like Alanis Morisette.
I can feel myself smiling like 10 minutes after I stop smiling, and that's just like... so awesome.
I had lunch with him today and quietly mourned his wasted good looks on such a disappointing set of genitals.
When we tried to make a video I set the camera to 3sec pictures accidentally so instead of a movie we have a flipbook of our sex.
I don't understand why you aren't on this trip all I do is smoke weed drink beer and get fingered
This is the third year in a row that Mario has fallen through a table on New Years. I'm sensing a tradition developing.
She said "Im going to hug you" tried to give me a hickey then said her life sucks and started to cry.
if i had an alexa it would be saying “have sex with guys that don’t care about you”
We should write a country song: “Blacked Out on a Sunday”
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