there is a puppy in the bar... no really i didnt steal this one
i'm so desperate for a drink right now i looked up the recipe to make pruno
I'm at the point in my career when i know a sites a trap and isn't real porn
Party at my house. Liquor pinata. Your presence is required.
Showering in my swimsuit in hopes of getting the beer smell out.
He kept pouting and saying i cockblocked him and I kept yelling "I'm sorry...but the cock was never out to be blocked"
Parents said they were cutting off my AmEx card. So I immediately went up to the liquor store and purchased $550 of booze before it was canceled. I'm expecting your arrival in 30 minutes.
drunk caitlyn doesn't know how to work gmail. so know an email has been sent to the entire campus with a picture of me naked eating a bagel attached.
Im just using you for your dick and your superb survival skills if needed.
Now I don't feel like I'm sweating cheeseburger all the time.
I just got a voicemail from some strange woman with a Russian accent. Are you ok?
WHEN YOU HAVE SEX WITH A GUY FROM A DIFFERENT COUNTRY YOURE SUPPOSED TO NEVER SEE THEM AGAIN
I bet you there is porn for people who get off on someone rubbing Chipotle on themselves
Also, next time I go get a wax, I'm gonna ask the girl about the innie to outie ratio she sees on the daily.
So I was having a really bad night...so I decided to steal a pumpkin.
Randomize
