your room smells of hookers.
And success
My "High Times" magazine came in today, as well as my girlfriend's new sex toys. We're calling in sick today.
Would it be too much if i wore depends to new moon so i dont miss any of it?
Mother fucker. I'm a 30J now. I'm fucking speechless
Sophomore year, I fucked on your desk chair. I'm sorry. I love you.
When you accidentally type "I want Prince William to fuck me in the ass" to your mom there's really no way to take that back.
IM PICKING UP BLOW FOR US STOP WHINING ABOUT SEX
Instead of medicine they should just give ecstasy. Also I'm tingly and can't find u guys. A gay man just said he loved me... :( / :)
omg I just had an epiphany about why I grew into such a whore....
HAVE YOU EVER NOTICED WHAT THE SPICE GIRLS USED TO WEAR?!? those were my idols, I never stood a chance
We left his house because I forgot how to drink water, I was just holding it in my mouth and then spitting it out, needless to say I don't remember the sex.
If you get home and there is an older woman there, its my mom. She wants to come and see the place after work. Just an FYI. Not the older sluts I bang.
I feel like that's something that he should've asked me over dinner..... instead of with his hand down my pants? maybe not
Just asked my roommate if she needs one of my old pill bottles to hold her weed during our move tomorrow. What has grad school done to me?
When you wear a dress that resembles the shape and color of Kirby to a wedding, you get the attention you deserve.
We’ve got a propane heater on our back porch if you want to come over and eat a McRib in peace
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