we are all sexual creatures
yea maybe. but you're not. you're not getting any.
This threesome is so guaranteed that dinner feels like a charade
Just bought two budlight beers with a can of tuna at the bar
I smelled my fingers after she left and they smelt like sugar cookies. I want that one again.
There are 9 condoms on my bed either i met the greatest girl ever last night or something horrible has happened.
what's with the bloody hand print on the hood of your car
What is she getting? Last time we talked her behavior was conducive to getting a tramp stamp on her face.
Sex on acid. Try it. I thought we were fucking in outer space with fireworks inside a rocketship car. Best.
Whatever I'm getting wasted, my costume's bomb, and there's a good chance I'm getting laid. Not letting stupidity ruin my night!
For the sake of being nice I congratulated her and she replied with something along the lines of that I need to stay away from him and not touch him ever. I really wanted to be like "been there, done that" but my New Years resolution was to not start any cat fight over boys with small dicks before noon
there's people who respect me enough not to bang on my bed and i think that's beautiful
I'M GOING TO FUCK AN ENTIRE ORCHESTRA AND NOTHING CAN STOP ME
The band club does not count as an orchestra
Only in the emergency room do they shut the door when youre laughing too hard
GOD DAMN IT I COULD HAVE HAD A MOTHERFUCKING 3 WAY LAST NIGHT. WHY BOOZE, WHY?!
He’s disease free and drives a Porsche. What else does a girl need?
Randomize
