Yeah, i think she was German or something.
No dude, she's just got a speech impediment.
How was dinner with ur grandparents?
I was really blazed and scared they'd catch me, so when they asked about my day I was concentrating really hard on not saying smoking that instead I honestly said "Well, I had sex on your pool table, Nana."
They just gave us root beer floats. I guess I won't quit my job today.
She wouldn't go home with me cause I forgot her name. I didn't realize it would matter after she danced with her vagina on my face
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
you were watching a documentary about sharks and wouldn't stop stroking my legs and whispering "what if they could walk?"
so apparently the car got towed with me passed out in the back seat.
We have been pregaming the shutdown of the government since Tuesday. Send help, and some more liquor.
I'm drunk and you're awesome. let's stay this way forever.
Debating going to the grocery store with my vibrator still in, cause I can't stand the idea of it out. Lets do some risk/reward
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I was grinding on him when mosquitoes starting biting us and ruined every damn thing. I just wanted to fuck on a slide under the stars. It's every girls dream.
tell me you did not just describe yourself as "hot and bothered"
But seriously, I love you and you are a good person and I'll get you some ecstasy
I have done everything sexualally imaginable with that umpalumpa
skipped tacos for a blowjob. No tacos. No blowjob. More importantly...no tacos. Wtf?
he's fucking insane. he's worse than me. is that even possible? I'm only with him because his dick is huge. I need Jesus.
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