i sleep in a fine layer of vodka and semen. i don't know that that would appropriate for a pajama rally.
Just saw a maroon grand am stop on my street, the driver opened the door, vomited, and then drove away like nothing happened. Been there, done that.
My co-worker just asked me if i colored my hair. Time to take a shower.
My cha cha got a haircut
thank god. going down on you was like chewing on astroturf
Rooting for you and your team in the Beer Olympics this afternoon...! Love you, Mom
I've never seen a kid turn down a sure thing for a possible handy by a freshmen. You need to re-evaluate.
Why i have shady connections. Owner just txt me asking to come by and judge the new stripper.
I woke up at 5:47 in the morning to you peeing on my parents bedroom floor. I think we've established that you have a limit .
I'm pretty sure they kept making references about gangbanging me but I was too stoned to catch on, I just sat there and stared at his kitten.
So apparently we wrote "Lube Shopping" in Paula's diary on every friday for the rest on the year....
2 men making out for 2 seconds to trick a cop so they don't get arrested for being pulled over rolling a blunt is not gay.
YOU TRIED TO SWIM IN HER FISHTANK. I don't think she's going to call you.
My hangover headache is somewhere in the Harry Potter scar neighborhood. I can now empathize with that poor bastard.
I wouldn't have found her if it wasn't for the vomit trail leading into my brother's room.
I’m inviting a few of my favorite manwhores to a pool party. Bring booze and wear your banana hammock so Amy can see what I’m always talking about
Randomize
