Riding a fattie is like riding a scooter, its ok just not in public.
we should go somewhere reaaaaaal shady
I just walked by a homeless man reading the money section of USA Today...
So she said grabbing my cock was like holding a giant crayola from pre-school.
that was the beginning of the end.
im at planned parenthood. the form wants to know what our usual form of contraception is?
anal.
You know your from las vegas when the girl on the stage in the strip club was in my US gov class senior year
when your english prof writes "this was a real good paper" on your essay, you know you're at the wrong college
As soon as the judge read that I rear ended the car from getting roadhead he chuckled. You know he's been there before.
You said that we all need to "head out like a boner through sweatpants and get fucked." Jager night was a success.
I mean it's like...I'm sorry I slept with your boyfriend but is it my fault that he failed to mention you when I was giving him head in the Dave and Busters bathroom?
There is so much wrong with that sentence
Yeah there really shouldn't be a bar at D&B's...shit gets real
They were assless. I wore assless football pants.
Accidentally typed message to mom that included word "kink." FML. Played it off as autocorrect from "drink" which was somehow more acceptable
Really need a jack off emoji
Who do we write to about that?
I only wore my thong with cheeseburgers on it because I thought we'd have sex. So I basically wasted my best thong for nothing.
I want to disappear from this job like a fart in the wind.💨
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