I just broke up with Liz. I feel awful so I put two free rentals on her Blockbuster account.
It would be worth it to see how drunk he is right now.
He cartwheeled into the side of the neighbor's garage.
Ok, i'm coming over
does dane cook know its not 2004 and that hes no longer relevant?
I just saw a girl walking home wearing a tshirt, boxers, and cowboy boots. Thanks for having the decency to drive me to my car.
standing in the yard with no pants on waiting for google maps to come and take a picture.
you yelled "you will never make love to jesus" and then ran into the tv.
I briefly wondered why they weren't in school, but after the tinier one shouted "check out dem titties!" I had my answer
He fell off the roof... he clearly has not been preparing for summer.
Stayed out til 7 am.... Did u know there's a guy who goes up and down the quad at that hour playing bagpipes?
Whiskey dick has taught us to be smart with our time.
And think got sick again from going outside naked. Word to all females...don't try the naked trench coat thing.
They had to stop us from skinny dipping in the reflection pool of the Mormon temple.
Last night he ate BBQ Pringles out of my boobs...I feel like it was moderately productive
This whole quitting my bad habits all at once is really messing with my ability to function.
Had a job interview today. Walked into the room and said "IT'S GO TIME, BITCHES".
Randomize
