I wanna be on tlc
Impossible. You are neither fat, fertile or fashionless.
Transgendered man at work dawning a slutty batman costume. I hate Halloween
Sometimes I wish I could open my skin and just take a little peek at my liver. You know, just to see if it's rotten yet or still perfect looking.
I'm such a fucking super-fan. I was worried his cum would wash away his autograph.
we were the definition of too high: argued for 10 minutes about who was gonna get the condom (it was 2 feet away on the night stand) and past out watching adventure time.
I think now I understand why people say my penis is pretty.
I'm just going to have crazy good sex with him until one of us developed feelings that works in the movies right?
Apparently asking your girlfriends roommate for a hand job when u craw into the wrong bed after a bottle of rum is "bad form".
Was the picture of her twerking on a fake plant sufficient?
I feel like your personal Bdsm barbie...
Just puked in a cup. Poured it out the window.
this morning's inventory: a top hat, two empty bottles of everclear, half a slim jim, cigars, tiara, pot necklace, and some fishnets. and that's just my purse.
If I wasn't planning on spend the rest of my life with you I wouldn't send you so many nudes, so fucking appreciate it
This town reeks of teen pregnancy.
Bowls and Harry Potter this morning. I guess work isn't so bad after all
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