So that's a yes to the cocaine usage and a no to the rollerblading
Tried to buy Xanax from my boss last night. Wrong Mike.
You're the 8th person from last night to text me this morning and ask if I'm ok.
words of advice: black light parties reveal cum stained clothing.
I can do anything tonight that doesnt involve an erection.
I'm making a conscious effort to limit my spending at the bars...i wrote "FOR CAB ONLY" on a $20 last night
I offered to go to AA with him...not because I am admitting I have a problem but because I want to see what they are saying about people like us.
The great thing about skinny blondes is that they're all interchangeable.
You know, last years football game was epic, but seeing the same girl that gave you a bj in the parking lot, in the same parking spot...that's fate.
You were riding my three year old's train yelling, 'I think I can, I think I can!!'
I thought I could.
all I know is this drummer better stop eye fucking me while he plays cowbell. it is way too early for that.
Everclear isn't food dammit
She was wearing American flag underwear. How could I NOT fuck her?
You're a true patriot.
How's moving going?
Uh, we're on the way to the store to buy more booze
He gave us beer and shots and made us pizza in his brick oven before firing a handgun into the air to signal it was time to give us a ride in his inflatable raft to the bars.
He's like a mythological figure
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