So you really shouldn't go around telling people you're fireproof
I wish I loved anything like you love Tequila.
the blizzard started in kansas. im debating driving to a bar now so i can get snowed in there for the game
so just saw tiger woods pull a page out of his wifes book and hit some kid in the head with a golf club
He's so young, I keep getting a mental image of him in footie pajamas. It's cute but it's wrong. Or is it?
I'm drinking Leinenkugel through a Red Vine. I'm not drunk. I'm just happy with my life so far.
they paper machayed me.
i told you ... never pass out drinking with preschool teachers.
I need a "closed for the season, thanks for a great summer" sign for my vagina
Master Skywalker, there are too many of them. What am I going to do?
Hit on the one in the red shorts. The thirst is strong with this one.
Dude if i sent you a picture of the inside of my fridge would you be able to break down and explain everything that was in it?
Woohoo! Instead of a pregnancy test you can buy me a burrito
So will your sis find it a compliment if I tell her I lost out on some awesome dick to go to her bday dinner???
Drug test isn't today. Now I'm just sitting in this orientation with a bag of your piss in my pants
I walked in describing her boobs thinking I was talking to you only to hear dad say 'I remember when your moms were like that'. ALWAYS tell me when they get home early. Always
Why did I wake up with a skeleton in my bed? Is it from the lab?
Oh crap, that's where it ended up. Yeah, don't ask.
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