just wanted to thank u for shitting in my dads bidet last night. i had to manually scoop ur shit out of it. btw ur dumped.
He told me he had an exgf. and didnt follow up with"and now i like guys."
It was like getting head from an anaconda
I have stripper ass cheeks all over my glasses
You straddled the banister and fell down the stairs, then proceeded to crawl back up them, I think you need to lay down
I chugged vodka from a 15 ft snorkel. What the fuck did you do with your life today?
What we have is to special to throw away over a woman who spreads her butt cheeks on a pool table for me...
I love how when they see that I'm upset their initial response is to offer me ecstasy
So it turns out "let's pretend to be gay so guys will stop hitting on us" was step one in her plan to get me into bed...
I just broke a sweat masturbating on a Friday night. I may need a boyfriend.
I'm having shoppers remorse over a dildo
I will pay you in sex, beer and popcorn if you will come fold my clothes for me.
Add free use of your panini press and its a deal.
Deal.
My manager gave me an envelope with money in it before he had vacation, and when I asked what it was for, he said it will be his bail money.
you'll kiss me after i give you a blowjob but you wont kiss me after I eat apple sauce? am I the only one who sees something wrong with this?
I just found a condom in my jolly ranchers bag. This is a good omen.
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