I just set a weed brownie on fire in the microwave.
Successful day.
My printer just jammed because one of the condom wrappers I threw when we had sex in my dorm
he put $150 on the cabs dash so 9 of us could pile in and ride 3 blocks to the apartment.
Hey if there is a better reason to go drink then "I've been fucking robbed!" I have yet to hear one. Also, I've been fucking robbed.
So he was supposed to be helping me with my math but instead we ended up drinking coconut rum in his basement and having sex. I think my mom was right, getting a tutor will be good for me. Relieves the stress.
Mitt romney looks like a fantastic lover (full disclorsure: im 76% vodka right now)
Dude. I'm super jealous I'm not there. Plus I look really pretty tonight, I'm wearing my long blue dress, I have long blonde hair, and I'm just sitting here hitting Larry the Long Bong. I'll pretend like your 3 spirits are floating in my smoke. Fuck.
Apparently when your theatre teacher asks who the best actor of our time is, Nicolas Cage is not the right answer.
Got drunkdialed by my estranged mom while wallowing in pinkeye drinking 100 proof eating ramen alone. Year summed up perfectly.
The only thing I had in my freezer before today was patron and cheese.
He came in two seconds and stole my pizza so I'm not counting it.
In hindsight, I probably should not have let the waiter give me a chiropractic adjustment on my neck last night.
I woke up at 6 and was laying at the top of my stairs.
After we fucked we sat in bed and watched Charlie St. Cloud and he fed me ice cream. It was probably the most romantic thing I've ever done.
i am also 80% sure that my shirt glows in the dark.
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