i think i just was awoken by the sound of my roommate choking on her boyfriend's dick
I will give everyone a free pointer today. Here it goes, always pee by the house late at night to avoid getting shot by drunk bastards with guns. Never go by the tree line.
I'm at Lowes and I'm constantly looking for things to vomit in, just in case
When I start puking tomorrow, just let me be. it'll start around 8:35. just let me heave. i love this part of my morning.
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sorry for the naked aussie man in your room last night, he got lost on his way to the bathroom
drunk her ninja stole one of the pizzas as it arrived and hid all of the pieces in a cereal box in the fridge.Genius.
His roommates came in and started a dance party in his room while we were having sex. He said it wasnt the first time.
Would it be a good deed to leave a 32 pack of bud light next to a bum sleeping in the park?
A kid in my class today just asked if we have class on the 17th, then announced that he couldn't go anyways because it was the day after his 21 and he was going to be too hungover
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I put xanax in the cake batter
Did you really? It all makes sense now.
I was so drunk that I passed out before I could do or say anything I'd regret. My low alcohol tolerance is like a guardian angel.
She drunkenly dropped her ranch for her pizza. She tried to clean it up with her hands off the street then realized it didn't work and started licking her fingers.
I'm disgusted with myself. I feel like I need 10 boxes of Summer's Eve and a baptism.
Oh well, he'll live. He has a hand and a penis.
Verdict: uncircumcised.
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